Restless Hope

Chapter 27 - Part 1

Isaac

I watch Beth leave. Guilt floods me as I realize how harsh I've been. It isn't fair to take my anger out on her.

Looking down at Beth's gift, I wonder what she thought of me, complaining about no one remembering my birthday when she was in on the secret? I feel like a total jerk.

Sliding my finger under the wrapping paper, I open the present.

It's a brown, leather-bound scrapbook. I open it.

On the cover page, my name is written in fancy letters next to a baby picture I've never seen. I run my thumb over the chubby face. Happy, little ignorant boy with no clue what hell his mother was about to put him through.

I flip through page after page. I can't believe how much effort Beth has put into making the scrapbook. It's packed—photographs, ribbons, certificates, memorabilia, even a newspaper clipping featuring me on the honor roll.

There aren't many pictures of me as a baby or toddler. After I came to live with Gran, the pictures are regular. Every major holiday is recorded. Each photograph is labeled in Beth's neat handwriting.

I flip through to the end. I don't even know how she found all these newspaper and magazine articles about my nonprofit. I can't believe she took the time to do this.

It does look like quite a few items have been removed from the album. I wish I knew what she took out. I suspect it must have been anything related to our relationship. There's no prom pictures, no pictures of us together.

Flipping back to the middle, I pause at one of the pictures. It takes my breath away. Beth must have missed this one. We are sitting in her convertible with the top down and our heads thrown back, laughing. I remember this day vividly. Something inside me aches to go back to those simpler days, to do it over, to get it right this time.

It's the sweetest gift anyone's ever given me.

I am sick at the way I treated Beth. She deserves better.

I feel a sudden desperation to hide this scrapbook that houses a precious and secret life. I don't want anyone, especially Sophie, intruding on my past. I place the scrapbook under my jacket and slip outside to put it in the trunk of my car.

I can't shake what Beth just said. She called Sophie my girlfriend. Is that what she's claiming to be now? Sophie has instigated all the kisses, but to be fair, I haven't exactly discouraged them either. It's nice to feel wanted. Maybe I've let things go too far. I have probably given Sophie the wrong impression by not stopping her. I don't even know how serious I am about her. Do I want her to be my girlfriend? Sure she's attractive, and it's flattering she seems to like me. If I'm honest with myself, though, I'm not sure I want her arranging my life. Expecting me to be her arm candy at countless parties? Playing daddy to a hyperactive Snickerdoodle? 

In my defense, it's not like Beth has given me any encouragement. She's been so standoffish lately. I thought she might warm up to me in the ballroom, but Sophie's phone call ruined the moment. Then her reaction with Greg and the girl in the bikini was unnerving. She must have really cared for him to snap at me like that. It's not like her to get that upset. I can't keep following Beth around like a lovesick puppy forever if she isn't interested.

On the other hand, I was wrong about David's party. It seems it hadn't been Beth's aunt that convinced her to leave. Sophie told me that Olivia got sick, and I could hardly blame Beth for leaving to take care of her niece. I wonder what might have happened had Beth stayed, had we danced, had we reconnected. Maybe I would be with her instead of Sophie right now? Maybe. It all keeps going back to Beth's family, though. I don't know if she will ever break away, and honestly, I don't know if she should. On the one hand, they don't treat her as well as they should, but on the other, she feels like she's making a difference with her niece.