Troubled

17: Lies and Kisses.

Megan Crawford.
Sunday, July 25th 2015.
17:20.

"I need to talk to you about yesterday," Josh and I said at the same time.

We were standing in Dream Cream, the best ice cream parlor in town. He had called and had told me to meet him there, and now there I was, with my lip between my teeth and with an anxious feeling. I was not sure how this would turn out, I did not know if it would go well. Hell, had it even been right to meet with him?

The night before had been quite something. So much had happened and I still was wondering how I had handled all of it without bursting. It had been both horrendous and wonderful, and it had seemed to move too fast. I could not stop thinking about the good and the bad things that had taken place.

"You first," I said to Josh as we chose a table on Dream Cream. I was not even in the mood for ice cream, and he did not seem to be either, I just needed to talk to him about what was going through my mind. This seemed as good of a spot as any to share my thoughts with him.

"Okay," he said as he nodded his head. I looked at him in an expectant manner as he took a breath before he spoke up, "I'm so sorry you had to see me and Eliza in that restroom. I should have locked the door, I was just too distracted. I should have been more careful."

I had not been expecting him to say this. I had not thought he would even remember that had happened. He had seemed so concentrated on Eliza that I had assumed it had escaped his mind. But he looked really sorry about me seeing them, almost too much. I frowned in a confused manner, noticing how strange he was being.

"Oh," I exclaimed, not knowing what else to do. I was not even thinking about that anymore, I was not as affected as I had been the night before. I had had something to take my mind off things. "Well, that's fine. I mean, it was a bit awkward, but it's okay."

"Are you sure about that?"

He looked suspicious. He was pressuring me into telling him something, I was just not sure what. I had said I was fine and that should have been enough. But because of the way he was looking at me, I knew there was more to this conversation than I was aware of.

"Yes, I am." I stared at his expression for a moment. I noticed that he was worried about me, he was staring down at his hands and licking his lips in an anxious way. But it was a mistery to me what was making him so nervous. "Why do you insist?"

"You must have felt bad about walking in on us," Josh said. He said this as if it was obvious and a matter of fact that I would feel terrible about it. I realized then that something was wrong, because he was not supposed to know how much seeing him with someone else had hurt me. But he seemed to be aware of how it had affected me, and this made me wary.

I was careful to choose the words I said. There was a chance that this was all in my mind, maybe nothing was going on. I raised my eyebrows and wondered casually, pretending to be confused as to why he was worried, "Why would I feel bad?"

Josh was quick to respond, "Because you like me."

Fuck, he knows.

I was speechless. This was strange and unexpected. I could feel my eyes widening and my hands start to shake. This was anything but good. Some things were meant to never be said, somet things were better unknown. But now he knew, and I knew that he knew, and my mind was a mess.

How long had he known? How had he found out? I could not ask, because if I did, then I would be confessing that I really was attracted to him. I gave him an odd look, as if I thought he was insane and was talking nonsense. "What are you telling me, Josh?"