Troubled

28: What Now?

Megan Crawford.
Sunday, September 6th 2015.
18:32.

I quit The Book Escape over the phone.

Aria was confused. She said that she had not seen Kyle leave his room in the past few days, she said that she had noticed he was mad about something. I was devastated and relieved at the same time when I heard this. I was glad that he cared enough to be thinking about it. But I wanted him to be fine too, I wished him the best, and I did not want to be the reason he was going through a hard time.

She wondered what had happened between us, but I just replied that things had not worked out. She wanted to know more, but I was still too sad to talk about it. She said that if I ever needed anything I could go to her. She then thanked me for making her brother smile so much for the past two months. I had to swallow a lump in my throat and hold back tears, but I said no problem.

I kind of wanted to be honest and tell her the truth. I had betrayed her brother by kissing someone else. But I did not want to upset her, so I stayed quiet and bit my tongue. Aria did not have to find out about that, I did not want her to think I was a horrible person. I cared about her so much, she was not just my boss, she was my friend too. But now I would have to stop seeing her, all because of a disgusting boy that had fucked everything up.

I was thinking about Kyle. I could not help it, I was delicate. I wanted to know if he was feeling the same way as me. I wondered if this was really the end, of if perhaps he would show up at my house one of those days and beg me to take him back. Deep down, I was aware of how unrealistic that was, but there still was a small glint of hope on my dark mind.

Right now, I was in bed, among a mess of sheets and tissues, with tear stains on my cheeks and the cat locket in my hand. I was looking at it, it was the only present he had gotten the chance to give me. I felt bad realizing that I had never gone out of my way to get him something. I would have. If only I had known that our time together was about to be cut short.

When Catherine walked into the room, I turned towards the door, hiding the locket under my pillow. I did not want her to see me like that –sobbing over a break up and being ridiculous.

"What is the matter, big sister?" she wondered, making her way towards me with a frown on her eyebrows. She took a seat on the edge of my bed, resting her elbows on her knees and her chin on her hands. She stared at me for a long moment, looking concerned and confused at the same time. I took a breath and wiped my tears with my thumb.

I had never meant for anyone to see me like that, I was being senseless. Being sad about the end of a relationship was nothing like me. I was supposed to be cynical and mean, not emotional. But it seemed that this break up would be hard to get through. It had been good to have someone to watch movies with and smoke a cigarette. We had been together for about a second, and even though it had been amazing, it had not been my intention to care so much.

"Nothing is the matter," I lied, smiling at her forcefully and smoothing the bedsheets. My sister was only seven years old, but she was still clever. She could tell when something was wrong, and right now, as she stared at me with those big blue eyes of hers, I knew that she realized just how upset I was.

"Then why are you crying?" she questioned, crossing her arms over her chest. I took my bottom lip between my teeth and glanced at the clock on the wall. It was past her bedtime, she had to be asleep in that moment. I shook my head and sighed.