The Framing

The funereal

December 24th 2015 4:47pm
Well my break didn't get off with a good start. It started with Julia's actual funeral, what a way to spend my Christmas Eve. In a church filled with people I either don't like or don't know, and every other second you hear a sniffle come from an audience member. I couldn't hate my life any more than I do now.

"Sit up straight." My mom, who was sitting to my right, whispered harshly in my ear. I moved myself so she wouldn't say any more. I was tired of all this foolishness, I wanted to leave this godforsaken church and be done with it all.

Eventually, the ceremony ended, and we all had to get up out of our seats and drive to the cemetery. I asked my parents beforehand if I could ride with Jeremy, of course they said no. So now I was forced to be in a boiling hot car all the way from the church building, to the cemetery. And why couldn't she have been buried at the one right next to the church? Was it because she wasn't Catholic? Can someone literally stab me a million times and end my suffering? Who the hell knows?

Approximately five million cars were a part of this damn funereal, and us all going to the same place wasn't helping. Especially when we were all driving at -2 miles an hour.

"Mom can we turn on the air conditioning? I feel like I'm about to pass out." I asked.

"Sure, if that's what you want." She said. I actually expected her to say no.

We all eventually got to the cemetery. I was the first to leap out of the car and into the "cool" December air in Florida. Like 65 degrees, but still.

I walked along a gravel path with Jeremy for a few minutes before we were in front of a six foot deep hole. I painstakingly watched as her body was lowered. Her parents were standing right next to the hole, and were sobbing their eyes out. I felt as if I should also be bawling my eyes out, but I did all my crying the day she died. I was done with it all.

"Do you want to come back with me to my house?" I asked Jeremy once her body was fully lowered.

"No, I'm going to Neil's house and we're going to-"

"Okay Jeremy you can spare me the details. I'll go back all alone." I said, very frustrated. Because I am.

I walked with my mom, brother and father to the car. I couldn't wait to drive all the way home, again. I hated this all, at least it will finally be over. And we can go back to our lives like we were doing before.

I hopped in the car and took a seat in the very back. I couldn't help but feel that this was all my fault. That because I turned her in, she got expelled and killed herself. By definition, it wasn't my fault at all. That's what my mom and dad were telling me at least, but what if it was? I can't shake the feeling away.

We drove home in silence, that's how I preferred it. I didn't want to talk to anyone, anyone besides Jeremy. I feel like lately my whole life has been revolving around him. That by this point, I should have a crush on him. I somehow managed to never crush on a gay guy. Most likely because I only know two, Jeremy and my cousin, but still.

Deep down I have a small feeling that Kevin, of all people, likes me. It's just a gut feeling and my gut is hardly ever wrong.

We pulled into my driveway. This time I was the last person to leave the car, but the first one in the house. I immediately ran upstairs to my room and shut the door behind me. I thought about whatever Jeremy and Neil were doing. Probably having a lot more fun than me, that's for sure.

I turned my phone on, I had it off because we were in a church. Could you imagine if it went off in the middle of a funeral service? I don't think I would ever be able to live something like that down.

I pulled open the text messages I had with Julia. The last one was a picture I sent her on December 15th, only a day before she died. It was just something I saw on Instagram and I thought it was funny. All she did was read it and didn't send a reply, which wasn't really like her at all. Oh well, it doesn't matter anymore.

I went all the way through them. I read them all, all of the photos, videos, and links we sent each other. I watched all the YouTube videos we sent, read about all of her crushes and desired boyfriends. We each agreed that Dylan O'Brian was #1. Every girls dream right there, to be honest. Even Jeremy said he was hot.

I scrolled all the way to the top. Our messages went back all the way to November 11th, 2014. Which is probably the day I got this phone. I never really deleted them, and I'm glad I didn't. I'll have these to remember her by for the rest of my life.

For the time being, I think I'm going to be sad. I think that it is going to take me a while to get back in the swing of things. I know that for a fact I have Jeremy, and he is all I really need to get by. It's really funny how things change. How it was once me who Jeremy needed the most. How it's all Julia's fault we even met. From day one, I knew he was going to change me. I knew that it was going to be for the better, and would you look at that, I was right. Like I always am.