Ricky And Jackie

14. Jackie

I blindly run past the royal family but I still hit someone. I wipe away the tears but new ones keep falling down.
"Sorry", I stutter, trying to turn around the person.
"Jackie...", says Alexandra.
I finally recognize her features through my blurry eyes.
"Let me go." I plead. "Let me disappear, just let me! I don't need your pity!"
She moves to the side and I rush even faster to the elevator. I can't control myself anymore. I haven't weep like that since my parents died, and I was thirteen at the time. I have a hard time to get up and walk out of the elevator but I still manage to do it. Nobody is going to help me anyway.

I watch Jeffrey and Mary wave me goodbye but I'm not sure I return the gesture. I need out of this cursed hotel lobby, the faster the better.

Mary runs outside behind me and hails a cab for me.
"Thank you." I do a small smile through my sobs.
She just nods and returns inside. I cross the street to get in the cab and I look back one last time at the hotel.

It turns out to be the second worst idea I ever got, first one being falling for a prince. Ricky is at the window of his suite and he doesn't look any better than me. A new wave of tears make me turn around and jump into the cab.

Apparently Mary had given him my address because he drives off without my indications. Jeffrey might also have called my family because when I get home, Janet is already here to comfort me. I open the door and throw myself into her arms like I was a little kid.

She pats my back and whispers in my ear to soothe me. Slowly, my breathes turn even and the pressure in my throat leaves. Janet walks me back in the house and leads me to my bed.
"You should get some sleep okay?"
"It's 5 o'clock, Jay."
"Then just rest, please?"
I sniff and nod.
"I'll be in the kitchen, alrigh?"
Sleep creeps on me so fast I don't answer back.

"Jackie...Jackie!"
I jerk out of the bed sheets in a scream. Strong arms steady me on the mattress. Strong arms that remind me of Ricky. I'm already crying so I try to deliver myself from their hold but it doesn't work really well.
"It's over, Jackie, it's over..." soothes me a familiar voice.
Jackson is rocking me against his chest like he would do with his own daughter.
"You don't have to..." I mumble.
"Course I will. You're my baby sister, I won't let anyone hurt you."
"I should've listened..."
"Shush, it's over, princess."
His nickname for me brings me back to Ricky once again and I succeed in holding back a sob.
"What did you dream about?" My brother wonders.
"About Mom and Dad and Ricky all being trapped under the school in the earthquake."
I feel my brother stiffens.
"Are you sure? Sounds a lot like the nightmare you used to have back then, when they... you know, died."
"It's the same, but there's Ricky too. He... He dies too."
Jackson doesn't find anything to say. I'm sure he's realizing I'm not ready to move on anytime soon.
"I love you Jackson." I tell him, clutching him tighter. "You're the best brother anyone could ask for. Our parents would be proud, you know that?"
"Not sure they'd be happy to know I dropped out of college and got a eighteen years old girl pregnant." He snorts.
"But they would be proud of you for taking care of me and Janet before yourself, and assume your mistakes and taking care of your baby girl. Those kind of men are rare."
He wipes off the tears out my cheeks and kisses my forehead.
"You're a good little sister too, Jackie." He whispers.
We hug for a while. Then, he gets off the bed and walks to the door.
"And Jackie? If that idiot gives you headaches, you know where to run, huh?"
I smile despite the tears.
"To your arms."
He smiles and closes the door behind him.

Despite Jackson's little speech, I can't help but to long for his presence. But the only thing in his Snapchat story is his sister Marie-Claire pulling pranks on him while he sleeps on the car. Nothing about Ella or him acting normal.

As for me, I'm reaching the bottom of despair, I believe. I can't stand my reflection anymore because I look like a ghost. For the last four days I was in my periods and the cramps were so painful I threw up in the toilet bowl. I hadn't eaten anything that morning so there wasn't much to vomit. I heard Jackson called Alexandra while I was in bed - but really, I was always there - but I didn't hear much of the conversation. Other than that, I kept having nightmares at night, and Janet would always come to comfort me.

Today - or tonight? - my sister yanks the sheet off of my pathetic self.
"Get up! You got work today!"
"I do?"
"Absolutely, you can thank us later."
"B-but Jay, I don't even think I can stand on my own two feet, I don't wanna leave this house, nobody can pity me here or make fun of my stupidity for falling for a..." I trail off, trying to think about something or someone else.
"You're right, but you have to. It is how life works: God throws something on you and watch if you will get back up."
"But Jay..."
"So it doesn't matter how much you screwed up or got fooled. Just get back up and keep living. As much as Ricky is amazing, he isn't God. You just can't let yourself die for him."
"You're right." I rub the sleep out of my eyes and risk a foot out of the mattress. Then another. I slowly shift my weight from my butt to my legs.
"You okay so far?"
I nod. Erh, wrong idea.
"My head turns."
"Go slower."
I obey and lean on her to stand up.
"See? You did it. Now I'm going to walk you to the bathroom. Go get a bath - not a shower, you're too weak - I'll hand you some clothes. Alright?"
"Okay."
We do as she says. When I'm done prepping, she brings me Nutella toasts on a tray.
"I'd prefer you eating here before walking up the stairs. Ight?"
I nod again.
"I hope you won't get your heart break anytime soon because oh my is it exhausting!" she confesses.
"I hope to, but I feel like my heart gets broken everyday just by the thought of him. I won't fall in love with someone else anytime soon. It might take me forever to get over him." I confess in a small voice.

Janet smiles sadly then leaves me to my toasts.