Standing Next To You At The Altar

Chapter 9

You guys. Thank you so much for making me so happy.

1.53k!!! I never thought that many people would read my book but hjdjdbd, jeez that's so exciting.

My birthday will be on the 15th this month so I'll update all my stories as a present for you guys. Thank you so much!

[NOT EDITED]

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Well... I'm done and tired. I don't have a clue on what's happening. I mean. I don't feel a connection anymore. Its completely weird. This whole wedding stuff is getting tiring. She's also getting on my nerves more often and I don't know why.

Sometimes... Sometimes I just wish I wasn't with her. I mean, she use to annoy the crap out of me when we were in highschool and stuff. And I don't know how I found her personality attractive. Well, there is somethings that are completely outstanding in her personality. Don't get me wrong, I still love her though. But it's not a strong love, if that makes sense.

Wow I'm starting to confuse myself. And then there's him. My feelings towards him its changing. If that kinda made sense. Anyways, its like a tingly feeling. And I know his feelings towards me have changed a lot. The last time we talked, it was so awkward, it seemed like he was afraid of me. Well of course he was.

I just don't know what to do anymore. My closest friend, well not exactly close anymore, is basically terrified of me. And there is this feeling I feel towards him that I can't really grasp onto. Its like this feeling is eating and tearing at every part of me slowly but harshly.

I-i can't. It's horrible and infuriating. No I won't let it stop me. I still love her and I'm going to marry her. This feeling won't get in the way. Even if its dragging me into the depths of hell, I won't let it be a burden.

I have to focus on this wedding. But I'm crumbling and and falling apart. Little by little each day. Even if its slowly, its painfully. I want it to go faster. But I can't let it. I have to marry her and then hopefully, just hopefully this feeling with disappear.

But sometimes life doesn't go your way. You lose important people, the ones you loved the most, and sometimes they might come back to you, and it's not the same as it was before.

My slim, pale fingers ran through my hair in slight anger and confusion. Lightly tugging it along the way. I want to pull my hair out and scream. I need to release me anger out. The stress.

I need to let out everything. I'm expected to be perfect and well kept. No. That's impossible. For me at least. Just why do I have a life like this. I want to punch myself. Yes, I get stupid sometimes. Everyone does. Everyone has some stupidity.

I'm done. I can't. I failed at keeping calm. I'm just going to sleep. Yeah that sounds nice. Everything and everyone is away. Well in my perspective they are. No one will bother me hopefully.

My back hit the soft couch. I let out a sigh and slowly curled up. I don't want to feel anymore.

I slowly felt myself slip into a world of nothing.

~

Well um hello again. Thank you again! I'm so sorry I'm not very active on here anymore. I now I'm horrible at this.

I don't have motivation to write and I can't exactly think properly. A lot has been happening lately and I really don't now how to handle it. I've lost a lot of friends and its kinda hard to get over it. They were the best and yeah. Wow this is way different from the message in the beginning.

Well anyways, thank you for staying with me.

-Dobe10