Broken #Wattys2016

Alone In A Crowded Room.

Alone In A Crowded Room.

It's usually the happiest people, who are the most broken.

It's the girls who are told that their lives are a fairy tale, who cry themselves to sleep at night.

It's the people who laugh the hardest, that are the ones trying to glue themselves together.

Just because you're not alone, doesn't mean you aren't lonely.

Just because you're meant to be happy, doesn't mean you are.

Sometimes, I feel so crippled by loneliness that I feel I could scream in a crowded room, yet no one would notice.

Because, no one would notice.

I could be screaming for help, and no one would know.

I'm to damaged to be fixed.

I'm to proud to admit defeat.

My response is always automatic "I'm good thanks, you?"

I could be crying, and I'd still say I'm fine.

I could be drowning in my own inky pit of demons, but I'd still smile and say I'm okay.

The truth is, I'm not okay.

I'm so desperately lonely, even though I'm never alone.

I'm so emotional, my eyes are constantly swimming in tears.

My demons are pulling me in so many directions that I want to scream.

Anxiety pushing me away from people.

Depression pulling me into any situation where I can feel loved.

My highs disguise my sadness, making me seem happy.

The lows are sometimes to much to handle, suffocating me, then allowing me to gasp in a breath, filling my lungs before pouncing me me again, stealing my breath away.

The insomnia makes sure I don't sleep, laying awake with my worst enemy -my subconscious- eating at me, over.. And over.. And over..

Sometimes I feel so much pain that I just become paralyzingly numb.

Shut off from all emotions and feelings.

I am nothing but an empty shell of who I once was.

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Thank you for reading :)

- Jade xx