Love Me or Leave Me [Ereri/Riren AU]

Chapter 31: Guilt, Hatred and Regret

I can't help but feel a little sad and have a little pity for Levi whenever I saw fan arts of him with his mom. :/

*****
Levi's POV

When we arrived, I went out of the car as fast as I can and went straight to my room. I went to the bathroom and stripped out of my clothes before moving under the showerhead, letting the cold water run down my body. I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead on the wall.

Shit, I never thought that it would hurt this much. My mind is blank except for the only question that kept on running despite my attempts to dismiss it.

Is he feeling the same pain I'm experiencing right now?

Maybe, maybe not. I will never know. The only thing that I'm sure about is I am hurting, hurting so much that I just wanted to sleep and never wake up, and I hope that he's feeling the same pain that I did, or maybe much more. I want him to experience all of the pain that I received just from loving him, the pain of losing someone important to you but at the same time, I hate the thought of him hurting. It's a fucking crazy shit and it sure does drive me insane.

Out of all the things that can cause a couple to break up, I never thought that we will end just because of his petty accusation. Didn't he trust me enough for him to believe in those lies?

He doesn't. That's why you're sulking here, dumbass.

I let out a sigh. I didn't move from that place for who-fucking-knows-how-long in hopes that the cold water will somehow numb the pain. It feels like every fiber of my being feels the sharp pain, and my heart feels like giving up. When my skin started to prune from being soaked for too long that's when I decided to get out. I dried myself and wrapped myself in a towel before I went out, dressing myself into a more comfortable clothes.

My mind isn't working and it feels like my body is on autopilot. It moved itself towards the bed and let me lay on my back, dumbly staring at the ceiling. As I stared, an image of the chocolate brown haired, turquoise eyed brat came into my mind. I saw it smiling down at me until it became distorted, slowly changing into the sight of his face earlier, the one who looks so broken, tears running down his face as the sound of his cries left his lips.

Another wave of pain blossomed from my chest and I felt it radiate all over me. I clutched a hand to my chest as it continued to felt sharp pains, a vine that found its home in my heart long ago tightened in each second, its thorns plunging deeper and deeper. My lungs are suddenly gasping for air, and that's when I only noticed the wetness of my cheeks.

Now that I think about it, aren't I the one who caused this? I'm the one who ended everything between us, the one who gave up in the end despite fighting for it for so long. I'm the one who aren't strong enough to endure all the pain, the one who pathetically hoped that all the pain will end if what we had will be left and forgotten.

I forced my mind to stop thinking and blank out. Everything hurts, even thinking seems to worsen it. I curled into a ball, as tight and small as I possibly can, before covering myself with my blanket. I wanted to escape all of these, I wanted to sleep and never wake up.

With that thought in mind, I cried myself to sleep.

*****

I felt disappointment ran through me the moment I opened my eyes the next morning, aware of the fact that I need to through another day in this shit fest which is my life. I groaned as I sat up, stretching and making my bones pop before I rolled out of my bed. I lazily sauntered to the bathroom and the first thing I did is look at myself in the mirror, which is probably the worst way to start my day. My hair is a mess, my eyes bloodshot and puffy, my cheeks still tearstained from last night's crying. I wanted to punch the mirror at how shitty I look.