Stay Away from Pleasure

Chapter Twenty-Four

12:05PM

I don't want to be the sort of person that lets their personal issues interfere with their professional or social life. At work, I have to keep a straight face and flash a smile every once in a while to get people to stop asking questions.

Ever since I was younger, I was always that girl that seemed very kept and rarely ever spoke about herself unless she was asked to. I never liked talking about my problems and issues to anyone outside the family, which made it particularly hard when the issue or problem concerned family. That's where the almighty Father came in. He was always there for me when I called. He spoke to me and advised me to do the right thing, but now he doesn't seem to want to talk. Maybe he's busy? No. I think he's guilty. He's taken Claire and now he's taking away my father. He knows I'm a little mad at him and my father always used to tell me that I was quite scary when I got angry, much like the grinch actually.

Now, I still think the same thing. Nearly everything my father told me, remains in my mind today, telling me that I should be a certain way. The one thing I don't listen to is the one rule he told me to follow the most, stay away from pleasure. I don't think that I'll be able to do that anymore, now that things have changed. I can feel my love for Matt growing and I know that I want him more than anything or anyone, but my father is sick.

Before I picked up Maria, I called Claire, but she didn't answer. It went straight to answerphone which made me break down. Afterwards, Matt called me and told me that Klaus was going to be taking me wherever I wanted to go because I'm not in the correct mindset to get behind a wheel and my other options are two pregnant women.

Maria is sitting with me in the back seat of one of Matt's Land Rovers' and she clutched her stomach.

"Everything alright?" I ask her.

She winces as though she's in pain and then smiles at me.

"I'm fine. It's just that whenever I'm hungry, I feel so queasy."

"It's because the baby wants to eat. We'll get something to eat soon, I promise."

She nods and smiles at me, "so, tell me about Alice."

"Ok well, she's my sister in law. She's married to my brother, Denny and she's also pregnant."

"Oh really! How far along?"

"Further than you. She's nearing seven months in."

"Whoa! I wish I was there by now." She wraps her arms around her stomach, "I can't wait to have this baby."

I smile at her. For some reason, things aren't like they used to be. Instead of being compassionate and happy for her, I can only envy her and wish to destroy her happiness. Who the hell made the rules that states that my life has to be torn to shreds and she can just run around with her baby and her husband and her perfect little life.

Why can't I have that? Am I not good enough?

"Do you want kids?" I hear her ask.

"Of course I do."

"That's great!" She rests her head on the backseat.

"Yeah." I say through gritted teeth and I feel the urge to rip every strand of hair out of her head.

"Pretty soon, you and Matt can start trying," she leans in and winks, "and that's the fun part." She giggles.

Thank the Lord we're here!

Without hesitation, I run out of the car to my apartment and embrace Alice so hard. Sweet Jesus I hope there's no more goddamn baby talk. I knew I shouldn't've came today.