Stay Away from Pleasure

Chapter Fifty-One

Dim and low, small lights turn on around the room. They give off a dark, orange punch, kinda like a sunset. The more you focus on them, the lighter they seem to get, turning on slowly. As the light intensifies, so does the atmosphere in the room. It's a sunrise now, instead of the mere sunset that it was before. It shows hope, new beginnings, second chances. Almost makes you forget. Forget about everything. Forget about the betrayal, the lies, the deception. Forget about the false truth you once knew, once believed, once allowed to manipulate you into becoming his puppet, his toy, his bitch. Almost... Makes you forget.

"Lisette..."

His voice is throaty. Hoarse. Has he been crying? Does that mean I must sympathise? Is that what he wants? Am I supposed to sympathise for a man that's cruel enough to beat, rape and kill his own mother? Is that what I'm supposed to feel? Am I supposed to forget and go back to loving him? Is that what I'm supposed to do?

"Lisette?"

The sound of my own name escaping his lips, the lips he used to abuse and torture his mother, makes me hate him even more. It makes my stomach churn, wanting to erupt with another session of intense regurgitation.

"Lis–"

"No!"

I don't give him the satisfaction. He doesn't get to say my name. He doesn't get to call me Lisette. Friends call me Liz. Family call me Lisette. Colleagues call me Ms. Cheslaw. He calls me nothing.

"Li–"

"I said no!"

Turning around, I decide not to hide my expression. I refuse to let him believe that I can condone this, so I show him my face. I show him the disgust I feel towards him. I show him how much I hate him. How much his mere presence makes me want to rip out my own intestines, like he's ripped out my heart by being who he is.

He takes a few steps closer to me and I put my hands up in front of me in defence.

"Don't you dare!"I hiss.

He stops, his eyes watering.

"Let me explain." His whispers softly.

I scoff, rolling my eyes. "Explain? Explain why you raped your mother?"

Funny.

"Go ahead. Explain it to me Matthew."

"I wasn't in the right head space–"

Is he for real?

"What?"

He closes his eyes, "I had a lot to drink and I–"

"Drinking and abusing drugs doesn't mean you come home and kill your mother." I spit harshly.

He swallows, "you love me."

I chuckle. "Are you serious?"

"You told me you love me."

"No."

"Unconditionally." Tears start falling down his eyes.

Beside me, my hands itch to comfort him. I just want to take my Matthew into my arms and sing to him to stop him from crying. But that's not my Matthew. That's not him at all.

"You're a rapist." That's all I say and it's enough.

"Does that not mean I deserve–"

"You deserve a lifetime in prison." I interrupt his petty attempts for sympathy.

"I love you."

"I don't care."

He walks towards me, "please, just–"