Not So Hidden Desire

Don't Ever Leave Me

A/N--- This is the revised chapter 4.I would love feedack and vote if you like it :)

Owen

I’ll tell you what doesn’t make any sense, how one woman can cause my heart to flip with just one look into her emerald green eyes. Why does she have such a hold on me that I can’t stop thinking about what it would be like to hold her in my arms? How her delicate, baby soft lips would feel against mine. I imagine her kisses to be as sweet as sugar with a hint of peppermint.

Right now, all I can see is her beautiful smile that can light up even the darkest of rooms. I hear her voice singing in my head, like a song that soothes the soul. I see her beautiful, dark brown hair falling to her shoulders, and occasionally covering her face while she reads her book. I imagine myself taking my hand and softly brushing her silky hair behind her ear, while I stare deeply into her precious green eyes. 

OK, Owen you need to focus. I have to stop thinking about her right now before I end up overdosing some poor innocent patient of mine. I need to finish this stack of charts and take bed twenty-two down for an x-ray. When did that picture get here? I don’t recall ever seeing a painting of a rose on this wall before. The rose is so beautifully drawn and lifelike, almost as if you could actually smell its sweet scent.

The rose reminds me of her again. I remember the summer when we were nine… Katie was such a ball full of energy. We would chase the frogs around the pond while we attempting to catch the biggest, greenest frog possible. She always wanted a pet frog that she could name Kermit. We never did catch the perfect frog but, on our walk back to her house, I saw a rose bush filled with the most beautiful, dark red roses with the sweetest scent.

Katie tried to take one of the roses, but ended up piercing her finger on a thorn. I grabbed her hand and wiped away the bright red drop of blood,   holding my thumb on her finger until the blood stopped.

A couple years later, I cut a dozen roses from the bush and laid them gently across the porch swing where she liked to lounge and read her books. I left a simple note on the roses that said “To Katie, Forever and Always.” I was not sure how she felt about me so I left the note anonymous. Ouch.

Where did that wall come from and where am I exactly? Somehow I am in pediatrics again. The nurses up here are going to think I’m insane, or stalking them. I have got to stop day dreaming so much, if I don’t watch it I’ll end up flying down a flight or two of stairs.

OK, I think I need a cup of coffee to help clear my mind, so I can get back to filing these charts. They have the best coffee here in the pediatrics wing. The parents of some of the sick kids have bought the nurses gourmet coffee as a thank you for everything they have done. I grab a cup of coffee, and then head back downstairs towards the ER.

Now to take bed twenty-two down to x-ray, I think it’s of her right wrist, if I can recall correctly. I guess I had better go find her chart. I think I left that chart sitting at the nurses’ station, next to the already never ending pile of doctors’ orders. This is definitely going to be a very long night. I reach the desk as my pager goes off.

Well the x-ray is going to have to wait as we have a bad trauma on its way in now. Okay Owen, its game time. You have to forget her for the moment so that you can do your job. Time to save some lives… OK, that was a lame pep talk to myself. I am pathetic. I turn the corner and meet the EMT’s at the entrance.

Wait a minute, is that…? No, it can’t be, I’m just imagining things. Oh… My… God! It is her! What happened to her? There is blood everywhere! She lays motionless on the gurney, her eyes are closed and above her left eye is a cut about three inches long.  Her silky brown hair is matted with sticky, bright red blood.

Her pale arms are covered in abrasions, looking as if someone had taken a cheese grater to them. Blood covers her knee length white dress. I don’t think I can watch any longer as my heart feels like it is being pulled from my chest. I’m too stunned to even speak.

I overhear someone say it was a hit and run and that she was walking home from the library down Main Street, when she was hit by the car. A bystander said the car came around the corner disregarding the stop sign and jumping the curb. The car hit her with such force she was tossed like a rag doll into the street.

Dear God, please don’t take her away from me, she’s my best friend and she means the world to me. If you let her die, I will no longer have any reason for living myself. She is my sunshine on a cloudy day. No… No… No!      

“She is in shock and has lost a lot of blood. She is in V-fib… Clear!” The doctor yells as everyone removes their hands from her. You have to keep trying! You can’t give up on her! Breathe Katie, just breathe. I have to tell her that I love her and always have. My heart is breaking into a million different pieces as I watch the love of my life, my soul mate, die in front of my very own eyes.

How am I supposed to live without my best friend? I never even told her how I felt. They shock her twice and are able to regain a normal pulse as I stand there frozen with fear.

 Her hand is so cold. The doctors continue to work on her limp body. Tubes are coming out of her mouth, helping her to breathe now. My Katie is breathing, for now, with the help of modern medicine, and I am thankful for that. All I can do is stand there and stare.

 “We have to get her into surgery now to stop the bleeding” Dr. Thomas says urgently. They push her bed down the hall towards the elevator. I watch her disappear behind the elevator doors as I continue to stand there in shock.

After standing there for a moment longer, I rush to the stairs and run up the two flights to the operating room waiting area. I walk past the double doors to the nurses’ station. I ask one of the techs to keep me posted with updates on Katie’s surgery. I walk back to the waiting area and collapse into the first available chair.

It has been two hours and no word yet from the operating room. I need to go check on her, make sure she is still fighting for her life; I need her to fight so I can help her.

An hour later which feels like a year, the tech comes out to tell me “Katie has some internal bleeding that they are repairing and then they will be resetting her fractured leg. After she is out of surgery they will be taking her down to radiology for a CT scan.”

“Thank you. Please keep me posted.” I sit in the chair with my head in my hands and try not to cry. I am so scared. I can’t lose her, especially like this.

As I wait I just keep replaying the scene of our last meeting. We danced in the rain. It had been fourteen years since I had seen her last. She has not changed one bit, looking so beautiful and as full of life as I remembered her. I wish I could have told her then how much she meant to me, how I wanted to spend the rest of my life waking up to her angel like face. She is my angel and savior; the only woman who could keep me sane within all the madness of the world. I have to be there when she opens her green eyes again so that I can tell her I love her.

About four hours later the tech returns to tell me that she is in recovery and that they will be taking her to the ICU. I head to the stairs so I can meet her in her room. I want to be there when she wakes up so she won’t be scared.

But first I need to make a phone call. No matter how much she will hate me for this; her parents need to know what has happened. When I call their phone I am greeted with a message that says they are out of town and to leave a message .All I say is “Katie is hurt,” then hang up.

The nurse in her room explains Katie is in a coma and may never wake up again. My heart drops when I walk into the cold room. Katie lays unresponsive in her bed, the whooshing of the respirator and beeping of the monitors kill the dead silence that surrounds her.

A white bandage is wrapped around her forehead. Her face is so bruised and swollen that she is almost unrecognizable. It pains me to see her so lifeless and broken. Her left leg has been put in a cast… they said it was broken in six places. Her tiny fragile arms are wrapped up in white bandages from her wrists up to her elbows. 

I can’t hold back the tears any longer as I take her cold limp hand in mine and kiss it gently. Katie, I will love you forever and always. I will be here when you wake up and I will never let you go.