I am Nothing

Chapter 19: What's happening to me?

Chapter 19:  What's happening to me?

I lay in the bed with my eyes closed, thinking, long after my husbands fall asleep on either side of me. I had a normal childhood. It had been happy. I had been loved and still am but what do you do when one person changes everything? From who you are to how you see everything around you. I thought I was being strong when I had killed him and walked away but I hadn't been. I'd hid deep, hard, and fast. Lore and Duke had to pull ever dirty little secret out of me. I hadn't tried to push past any of it voluntarily.

"Sweetheart?" Duke spoke but I felt Lore's hands caressing my back. I open my eyes to stare into warm brandy colored eyes. I reach my hand out and caress Duke's cheek before rolling onto my back so I can see Lore as well.

"When I was younger the worst thing that ever happened to me was a bully at school but even that didn't last long with six older brothers. I thought I was brave but I'm not. You guys have had to force me to face everything." I take a deep breath before I say my next words. "Sometimes he would come in the room while I was sleeping and sit on my chest and cover my mouth. He was a lot heavier than me. I remember his breath on my cheek as he waited for me to pass out. I remember wishing I wouldn't wake back up." Lore nuzzles into my neck as Duke grasps my hand but neither of them say anything.

"I don't think handle Lex taking me and holding me down. I'm not strong enough to get again. Not for anything. I know I'm weak but the thought of some else's hands on me besides you two makes me shake in terror. That's why I didn't want to be Alpha. He took something from me that I'll never get back. Sometimes I'll lay here and watch ya'll sleep and I'll realize I'm not breathing. Like I'm afraid you're going to disappear because I'm not enough." I realize tears are falling freely now as both my mates prop up on their elbows to look down on me. "I'm no...." Both of them growl and I blink at them as they speak at the same time.

"Your everything." I see the fierce determination in their eyes so I nod my head and try to feel it in my heart as my husbands coax me back to sleep. As I'm almost asleep Lore whispers in my ear.

"And your braver than you think."

..................

I wake up floating in water underneath a velvet colored sky. Stars wink at me as I blink in confusion. I blink my eyes and I am suddenly standing on the beach, the sand gritty beneath my feet. Odd, I shouldn't feel anything while I'm dreaming.

"Because you're not dreaming. Not really." I whirl to see a man leaning against a boulder. His posture is relaxed as he watches me with silver eyes and crossed arms. His blue hair flutters slightly in the wind as he watches me. My breath hitches as I clutch the neck of the t-shirt I'm wearing and take a step back. I freeze when I realize I've retreated. Unclasping my shirt I quickly step forward again. My chin lifts as I speak.

"Who are you?" He chuckles softly as he straightens from the boulder and takes a step toward me. Conscious of the fact that I'm wearing a t-shirt that only comes mid thigh I fight not to flinch when he takes another step forward. He smiles then.

"Good for you." I glare at him and cross my arms over my chest as I raise a brow. His mouth falls to a flat line as he speaks.

"My name is Zac. We have a mutual friend." Pretending disinterest, I watch a fiddler crab scuttle across the sand. If he wanted to talk then he could damn well talk. He wasn't the one wearing only a t-shirt. A chuckle floats through the air and I jerk my head up to see Zac is fighting a grin.

"You, Miss Alpha, are just like my mate. She is actually the one who should be here but she's pregnant and I told her I could handle an Alpha just fine on my own. How about a seat?" I gape as a bench appears in the sand. My surprise soon turns to outrage.