Northern Downpour || Phan AU

Chapter 2

Dan

The first weeks of school had been very similar to the first day.

Pj and Chris pissed me off more than usual, and the problems I had at home had gotten worse.
Nothing was right in my universe and it was exhausting to try to fix it, I didn’t have enough energy to do it myself.

I had been spending most of my in-between-classes breaks in the lonely corridor. The one where no one ever spends their time in, because no one has their lockers there.
The one where I could be all alone, the one where I could just sit and think, without having anyone ask me what’s wrong or give me strange looks, because no one ever passed by, and it was quiet. 

Two big metal doors separated it from the rest of the noisy school, which I had already gotten enough of. 

I usually thought about how I was before summer, and wished for everything to be like that again.

Chris asks me what’s wrong everyday, and it’s starting to get to the point where I’m close to actually telling him. He would find out sooner or later, when he asks about it.

Today, I skipped all my classes, but came to school anyway.

I spent my time in the lonely corridor, sitting on the floor.

It was the 23rd, so today was two months ago. Two months ago me and Elaine got into that car crash. Two months ago I caused a car crash. Two months ago I practically killed my girlfriend.

I had never experienced such physical pain before, ever. It felt like someone was ripping my soul out of my body, like someone was scratching my skin from inside.

I pulled my hair and repeated words to myself, which I thought I deserved.

My phone vibrated, but I didn’t bother to even check who was calling. I didn’t care.

I couldn’t get her out of my mind and the worst part was that I would have to live with it for the rest of my life. 

My breathing was rapid, but I didn’t cry. My eyes were wet, but I didn’t shed tears.

I pulled my knees towards my body, wrapping my arms around them, curling myself up in a ball, rocking slowly back and forth. 

I thought about how I would tell my friends, when they’d ask how it’s going with Elaine.

My phone vibrated again, and this time I picked it out of my pocket and threw it at the wall opposite me. The screen cracked and the case fell off. 

I had just realized what I’ve done. My dad was going to kill me. 

‘Ugh, he might as well’ I thought to myself, and hid my face in my arms. 

I felt disgusted with myself. I had no control over what I was doing anymore, and I was scared that I never would again. 

She was the only person who was keeping me on the ground and keeping me sane.

She made me a better person and now I was slowly sinking into the position where I was before we got together. I didn’t want to be here, I wanted to be up there again, I wanted to be higher than where I was with her. I didn’t want to be sucked into the same vortex in which I was before because that place isn’t home for me. 

If only someone would reach out for me, give me a hand that I could grab and then pull me out. 

Phil

Me, Louis and Tom had just gotten out of our last class for the day.