Letters to Ghosts of the Past

The Beginning

To the one who left a part of themselves with the one they lost,

Some people say you don't know what you had until you lose it. Some say you don't realize you love someone until they leave you. Others say it takes losing someone to truly realize how much they mean to you.

These statements all have the same general idea; it takes losing something to truly appreciate the value of what you had.

While in a way, I agree, in my experience, the polar opposite is also true. Sometimes, it takes losing someone to realize that they weren't as important as you believed them to be. Sometimes you realize the person you wanted to be with most is the one you're better off without. And, for lack of better words, it sucks. But there comes a point where you just have to accept the fact that letting them go is the only thing left to do.

When you lose someone you love, whether it be to death, to a breakup, or to whatever other forces tear us apart in this cruel world, a figurative hole is left in you heart where you kept that person. At first, you don't want to accept the fact that it's there, that they're really gone but as the hole gets bigger, it's harder to ignore.

This is when one of two things happens. Either the pain never stops, but dulls, the hole never completely filled, forever the shape of the one you lost and no one else can replace that person. Or, it does. New people come into your life and they fill that hole and there comes a point where you realize what you thought was a broken heart was actually sadness that the person didn't mean as much to you as you thought they did.

When the latter occurs, you're left to ponder on the time wasted on this person.

Those nights spent crying over them, you realize, were tears wasted. This is the worst type of time to waste. It's the worst type of sadness, the one that you suffer silently and alone. The one where everyone who you know could help you is asleep, and you feel all the anger, resentment, regret, fear, and every other possible emotion all combined build up in your throat until you eyes burn with tears, and you vision blurs. It's the one that makes you want to scream, except it's three in the morning and you have to hold your breath and curl up into a ball to keep quiet. And you can't breath because it's all so overwhelming, and the person who meant so much to you is gone.

But I promise you, no matter how bad it may seem right now, it does get better.

The person you know and miss becomes the person you knew, and they no longer exist. It's sad and cathartic at the same time. You watch them become someone else, right before your eyes and you're powerless.

All that's left to do is try to forget. It's hard to forget someone who gave you so many reasons to remember them, but when you accept that they aren't the same person anymore, that's when you're able to stop blaming yourself. You blamed yourself for so long. Sometimes you lose yourself when you try to hold on to someone who doesn't care about losing you.

You get yourself back though. New people in your life, who care more than the one you lost ever could somehow manage to help you forget and move on.

Eventually, you get to a point where, when people ask you if you know them, you smile as countless memories go through your mind, good and bad, and you reply with a simple "I used to".

In a way, that is the most painful thing of all, because it not only leaves the other person wondering, but it leaves you wondering too. What could you have done differently? Where did you go wrong?

You don't find these answers. But in a way, you discover that's okay.
The person you've spent so much time and energy missing is someone who doesn't deserve it. They walked away. Not you. They told you repeatedly how little you mattered, and you believed them. They made you hate yourself.

And you're done. You're done missing them, you're done caring, and you're done writing about them.

The first step to forgetting was reflecting. But now, in recent weeks, you've accepted, finally, that the person you knew is gone, replaced with someone you don't want anything to do with. And so, with a final smile, you let go of all the negativity this person has brought you. A weight is lifted off your shoulders. You allow yourself to forget. You can finally say you're over it.

This isn't how the story ends. For you, it's how it begins.
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Hey guys, this one took a lot out of me lol. Sorry I haven't been updating my other books recently, school is almost over and I have a lot going on. I'd really appreciate comments and votes, to let me know you're enjoying these. Thanks so much for reading!
-Emily