Letters to Ghosts of the Past

May 25th, 2017

To the one who's world is falling down around her,

Hi.

I know you didn't want to see me today. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry you feel like everything around you is falling apart. I'm sorry that it kind of is. I'm sorry I can't tell you that it's going to get better any time soon. I'm sorry you're alone in this. I'm sorry I have to be the one to tell you this is the worst day of your life, because I should be the one comforting you and making everything okay.

I'm not going to sit here and tell you it'll be okay because this is only the start of the end of everything you've ever wanted.

It'll never go back to the way things were. It'll never be the same. And you'll never get her back. I know you still think you will.

There's nothing I can say that will change what's happening. Nothing I can do to help you through this. I can't tell you how to fix things, I can't fix them for you, and I can't go back in time and make sure they never happened. I would if I could. It's taken a lot of soul searching to admit, but I know that if the opportunity presented itself, I'd go back and fix this whole thing.

But I can sit here with you. And I can hug you. And I can promise that somewhere down the line, at some unimaginable, inconceivable-in-this-moment, point of time, the world will stop crumbling beneath your feet, your heart will stop shattering in your chest, and you will stand on solid ground again. You will mend.

You will never feel this way again. You will remember this day forever, and you will learn from it. Today will become a bookmark and an x on the calendar, a way of pinpointing when it all ended. But the end of one story always signifies the beginning of another.

Today will become the closing of a chapter. When asked when this all ended, you will cite today. And one day, you'll wake up and you will remember sitting on your own in this little tent in this stupid parking lot, holding that phone, reading those words, watching them hold hands, hearing them laugh, hugging her, looking into her eyes and knowing she's lying to you, feeling her hand on your shoulder for the last genuine time, and you'll realize it doesn't actually hurt anymore.

Your place in this world is shifting. Everything that has been happening for the past month is all coming to a head and you're being hit all at once and you don't deserve any of it.

You're confused and scared and you have no one. I know. And because no one else will validate you in this moment, please let me do it. Let me hold you as you cry, let me promise you that one day, you'll find someone who makes you forget these people were ever anywhere close to your heart.

You're going to lose a lot tonight. And as the sun sets, try to think of it like this; it's just setting on one part of the series. Your story is not over. You're not unworthy of a sequel. The next part may not be great. But by the time you get through the next little while, you won't recognize the scared and lonely little girl who sits here now. You'll take back control and you'll write the rest of your life on your own, with all the control you're lacking now. And you'll be happy.

It won't be okay for a while. But it will be one day. So dry your tears. Take a breath. Realize none of these people will matter three years from now. None of them. Not a single one. Walk out into the sun. And keep living.

That's all you can do.