Letters to Ghosts of the Past

The Science of Soulmates

To the one waiting for their soulmate,

I've never truly believed in the way soulmates are depicted, and until someone comes along and proves me wrong, I don't think I ever will.

I believe in foundations. I believe that any kind of strong bond requires work and effort from both sides. I believe that "soulmates" are two people who work enough at a relationship and who get along naturally well enough that over time, they form a bond that can be likened to the mystical idea of "soulmates".

In my nineteen years I've had three people like this, all friendships.

The first was a friendship that spanned for a decade and still flickers, though dimmer and dimmer with each passing day. This is the foundation for my analysis; once the effort is gone, no matter how close you once were, even if you once considered yourself soulmates, anything can fizzle out. In this case, the effort on her side, and then finally on mine, much later than probably merited, dissipated. The energy and connection was next to nothing. It remains like this today, and proves that nothing is meant to be without effort on both sides.

The second was the first time I believed in magic, but we were both simply too young to understand the concept of communication and the effort required to keep the spark alive. What begun as a genuine, incredible, inspiring connection, ended in smoke and tears as both of us unintentionally sabotaged it because we didn't work on it together. This further proves my theory. Even magic, even a love so strong that an end was never even a possibility, can disappear if the fire is not tended to. Even the purest of connections, the most perfectly-matched souls can drift and break when effort is no longer made.

The third time I believed I found my soulmate, I had entered a new chapter in my life. Things around me were changing so quickly and I needed someone to be my permanence and there she was; bright eyes, kind smile, soul just as pure as the last one. I knew then that the one before her had been a soulmate, simply because of how utterly and eerily similar they were. But this one wanted to put in the effort. She never gave less than she took, she always tried, and she wanted it just as much as I did. So we both forged that connection and it remains strong to this day, because we understand that soulmates are a push and pull. We both want it, and we both work at it. And it works.

And that's what a soulmate is. Not someone who you're magically and effortlessly connected to, but someone you choose to connect with, despite the fact that effort is required. No relationship or friendship is perfect, and that's where people get it wrong. That's where I got my second soulmate wrong.  There is no magic in this world. There is no fate, or surefire end result. Only you and your intuition, and other people who are similar enough to you that if you're lucky, and if you so choose, you can forge a connection so deep that nothing can break you.

And it takes time to understand this. I don't think I fully do yet, though I've been lucky to begin to so young. And I know some would argue and give reason why magical connections do exist and that's to be expected and it is respectable. But in my experience, if it's effortless, it fizzles out eventually. Nothing can succeed without effort.

And that's what soulmates are, if you want to push that word. They're fleeting. They can be lost. They can fizzle out. The aren't always permanent. They are effort. They are two people choosing each other, consistently, without fail. And if they do fail, more often than not, they'll lose each other. But when they don't, or before they do, that's your magic. That's your fate. That's what a soulmate is.