Letters to Ghosts of the Past

Him

To the one who changed over the course of ten days,

You know, I never imagined I would be able to borderline hate you, but here we are.

From the moment we met, I knew you were different. I convinced myself in vain that you wouldn't leave me. Everyone before you did, and I'd hoped that maybe you wouldn't. Maybe you were different.

And for a long time you were. I was genuinely happy, something that now seems unfathomable. We both know exactly when in started and exactly why it happened but neither of us want to admit it.

It was him.

Now look, I've told you I'm happy for you and all that. My problem isn't that you have him, it's more that it's him you have.

He's hurt you in the past, he's made you spend so much time wasting energy on him. What makes you think this time is any different.

You're a game to him. You spend more time talking about how much you hate him than you do saying you like him so I wonder why I was the one who was pushed away.

I do nothing but stand by your side but because of him, you're gone.

You once promised me that you'd never choose a guy over me. I doubt you bothered to remember that any of those times you blew me off to be with him.

You once told me nothing would stop you from being there for me. You seem to have forgotten that somewhere between his incessant complaints about how your friends won't be there like him.

You seem to have forgotten a lot of things. Me, the importance of spending time with your friends, the fact that literally all of us hate him but I'm the only one who doesn't smile and pretend I'm okay with being forgotten.

Because I'm not.

And it killed me so much in the beginning. And now I'll catch myself purposely doing something to make you feel inferior the way you unintentionally did to me.

Because maybe if I show you how I feel...

But no. This won't go away until he does. Because it's him who started this mess and I have my suspicions that it will be him who ends it.

I don't want you to be unhappy, but when you've completely thrown me out of your life because of him, it's hard to want the best for you two.

Up until now, I've shown you every single thing I've ever written but this will always be the one thing you'll never see. My true feelings. The real me.

I guess you could call me two-faced, for not wanting someone I used to call my best friend to be with the guy she claims to love.

However when said guy is also the one who made you someone I refuse to call my best friend...

So I guess I'll have to wait it out. Be there to pick up the pieces when he finally shows his true colours. I know I won't leave. Because I adored you. And maybe when he's gone I can go back to that, to you.

But for now, I can't because you don't care as much as I do. You haven't put in any effort in months. You've left that to me. I've cried more in the past four months than I have in my whole life before that and all of it was because of something you'd done.

You've turned into a terrible person who doesn't care about anyone but her boyfriend and who ignores the one person that would never have dreamed of leaving.

And it's because of him.