Letters to Ghosts of the Past

Myself

To the one I'm terrified of,

It dark. And late. And you just want to forget.

You're tired. Mentally and physically. Nothing feels real anymore. Not pain, not happiness, not reality.

You watch life go on around you but things have shifted and suddenly you aren't in control anymore.

You watch the ones you loved- still do- move on.

It feels like you're dead, watching them find a way to forget. They find a replacement. They've found your replacement.

You question where their loyalties lie. You question where your own lie too. You've never considered being the one to walk away, but they've started to and maybe the only way to finish it is for you to leave.

Get out of the way, let them do what you know they're trying to.

You're in the way. You always are. You could leave. For the first time, you know you should.

But where would you go? You burn every bridge you make. There's nowhere to go.

Is it jealousy? Is it pride? Is it something dark that you haven't figured out yet?

Who knows? Not you, not them, not one of the very few who gives a damn. Or say they do. You don't know. You don't know anything. Maybe that's the problem.

Maybe you need to isolate yourself to be able to become you again. But then you'll push them away even further.

They'll really be gone. The already are, in all honesty.

Why are you okay with that, why don't you care?

You don't care about anything anymore. No one, nothing.

You're a shell. You pretend you're fine, and they believe it. They hate you. You know it. So stop pretending along with them.

You aren't fine. But they don't care. So it won't go away.

But they don't care.