Its So Called COMPLICATED

Chapter 26

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Accident

"See you calling again.
I don't want to pick up, no oh.
I've been laying in bed.
I've been thinking too much, oh, oh.
Sorry, I, am not sorry for the times I don't reply, you know the reason why.

"Maybe you shouldn't come back.
Maybe you shouldn't come back to me. Tired of being so sad.
Tired of getting so mad, baby.
Stop right now, you're only let me down.
Maybe you shouldn't come back. Maybe you shouldn't come back to m-me."

Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili kong tumakbo pagkatapos ng kanta. Hindi ko inaasahan na ganito pala kasakit ang magmahal. Nagmahal ka nga at naging masaya ka pero masasaktan ka naman pala.

Napaupo ako sa tabi ng kalsada at doon humagulgol ng iyak. Napahilamos ako sa mukha ko. This is not my first ever heartbreak pero ang sakit-sakit parin. I am just fooling myself of falling in love with the same person again and again.

Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko ng kumirot na naman ito. Hinimas ko iyon at pinakalma ang sarili. Not this time please. This is too much to take. Tama na iyong isang beses Roiss, please, stop crying. Stop hurting yourself and moved on. Sobrang tagal na no'n. Pero kasi nandito parin.

Damn this life. Ang hirap makalimot. Please let me forget him.

"Roiss..."

I laughed. How can I forget him, tell me? He is in front of me, feeling so hopeless too.

"Leave me alone Jarell. Please...I am begging you to leave. I am begging you to please let me forget you and start over again."

Hindi ako aayos kung nandito lang siya sa tabi ko. Araw-araw niyang pinapaalala sa akin ang sakit na dinanas ko noon.

"Sorry but I can't," he just said. Hindi ko mapigilang tumawa ng mapakla.

"You are so selfish Jarell."

Hindi ko inaasahan na ganito ang sasabihin niya. I bit my lower lip as I wiped my tears away and faced him.

"Don't ask me to stay away from you Roiss. I can't, I just can't."

Napahilamos ako ng mukha at napamura ng ilang beses. He look like a mess!

"P-pinagsabay mo ba kaming dalawa ni Ryza noon? Minahal mo ba ako Jarell?" I asked. Kahit masakit tatanggapin ko basta malaman ko lang ang totoo. Kasi hindi ko alam kung totoo ba ang mga sinabi niya noon sa'kin. Naguguluhan ako. Gusto kong malaman mismo sa kanya at magmula mismo ito sa mga labi niya.

He faced me. And he was crying right now. Hindi ko alam kung totoo ba ang luhang ipinapakita niya.

"Hindi ko gustong sirain ang pagkakaibigan niyo. I was blinded by my jealousy that time because I saw you with Jim. I thought I am gonna lose you so I courted Ryza to at least see you kahit na iba ang gusto mong makasama. I am sorry Roiss. I loved you, I always been inlove with you," he said, trying to hold my hand pero lumayo ako sa kanya. Umiling ako.

"You don't love me," I said almost a whisper.

Umiling ito.

"Mahal kita. Ikaw lang ang mahal ko."

I smiled bitterly habang umaatras palayo sa kanya. I sniffed.

"Y-you don't. Kasi kung mahal mo ako, hindi mo ako sasaktan ng ganito. Kung mahal mo'ko palalayain mo ako ngayon Jarell. Please let me forget you."

Napahikbi ako ng yakapin niya ako ng mahigpit. I heard him sobbed at nang marinig ko palang ang iyak niya ay pinipilipit na sa sakit itong puso ko. He cried in front of me at sabi nila pag-umiyak ang isang lalaki sa harapan mo ay tunay ngang mahal ka nito.

Gusto ko mang paniwalaan iyon pero mahirap. Sobrang hirap lalo na kung isang Jarell Adverson ang pinag-uusapan. Ang hirap niyang paniwalaan at ang hirap niyang mahalin.

"Don't. I love you Roiss. I love you."

I pushed him away from me.

"P-please don't hurt me like this. Tama na ang isang sakit na pinaranas mo sa'kin. Hindi ko kaya, hindi ko kakayanin lalo na itong puso ko," I said while pointing my heart. Iyong puso kong dinudurog ngayon.

"Roiss."

"Maybe, not this time Jarell. Please, let me heal my heart first. Let me moved on. Para madali sa ating lahat."

Pagkasabi ko no'n ay tumakbo ako palayo sa kanya. He called my name but I refused to turn back. I can't. I need to go home now before I colapsed here.

I was running in the middle of the street, crying and hopeless. Napahinto lang ako ng makita ko si Papa, nakatingin ng malungkot sa akin. Mabilis na niyakap ko ito ng mahigpit at umiyak.

"Papa."

"Hush baby. Hush."

I missed him. I missed him so much. I need a father right now. I need him.

"Hush baby."

Sinubukan niyang patahanin ako pero hindi ko mapigilan ang luhang tumutulo sa mga mata ko. Ang sakit ng nararamdaman ko ngayon. Ang bigat sa pakiramdam.

Agad niya akong binuhat ng makitang nahihirapan na akong huminga. Isinakay niya ako sa kanyang sasakyan.

"P-pa," hirap na sabi ko habang nilalagyan niya ako ng seatbelt.

"Hush baby. I will bring you to the hospital."

"A-ang sakit," I said to him. I am loosing my breath.

"I can't breathe," the last word I said before I saw a car coming towards us. Naramdaman ko nalang ang pagyakap ni Papa sa'kin ng mahigpit.

"Mahal kita anak," I heard him muttered before I lost my consciousness.

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