Searching For Love

Chapter 18

I walked into Isabelle and Alec's house that evening at eight o'clock. Well, Clary, Cecily, and I walked into their house. We had all come together. Jace, Will, Simon, and Gabriel had all come a bit earlier than we had. Honestly, I hadn't wanted to come. After my whole morning with Will, I didn't feel like doing much of anything, but since it was Isabelle's party, I had to. Cecily and Clary went to find everyone, while I went to use the washroom. After, I found them all.

Everyone was sat in the living room, drinks in their hand. Cecily was sitting with Gabriel, laughing. Isabelle and Simon were making googly eyes at each other, as were Clary and Jace. Magnus and Alec were talking about something, Alec blushing shyly. Finally, there was Will, and when I saw what he was doing, my heart dropped to the floor. He had a girl sitting on his lap. She had long brown hair and bright green eyes, and I recognized her to be Gabriel's younger sister - Tatiana.

I felt my insides freeze, and I couldn't move for a second. All of the girls must have looked at me, sadness written on their face, but I couldn't look at them. My eyes were too focused on Will. He was whispering something in Tatiana's ear, and she was giggling. I felt my whole world crash.

"Tessa." Jace broke me out of my trance. "We thought you'd never show."

I tore my eyes off Will, and took a seat on the couch opposite to Will. His eyes didn't meet mine.

"I um had to use the washroom." I mumbled.

Everyone else started to talk, and I only stared at Will.

What are you doing? I said in his head.

Will snapped up, hearing my voice in his head.

What do you mean? He replied.

Why are you with her? Tatiana? I questioned.

Will looked distressed. I have to move on -- I have to try, Tessa.

His words hit me like a tsunami, and I felt my heart shatter. He had to move, though, and it was selfish of me to even think otherwise. I only nodded my head at him, and tore my eyes off of him. We all sat there for about half an hour more, Will tickling Tatiana's side or kissing her cheek. Every time he did that I felt as if someone was slowly crushing me. Isabelle suddenly called over a boy who was walking by. The boy was tall, taller than me. He had short brown hair, and glasses. He wasn't hot, but he was cute. Very cute. He walked over to us, smiling slightly.

"Guys, this is Chris." Isabelle introduced. "He moved here a few weeks ago."

We all greeted him, and he took a seat next to me. I then got an idea, and grinned to myself. If Will was trying to move on, then I could too. I immediately started to talk to Chris. He told me that he had broken up with his girlfriend Jenny, recently, and that he had moved here from California. It was bad, but I said a spell to make him put his arm around me. I snuggled into him, and sneaked a glance over at Will. He was staring at Chris and I, his jaw clenched. I felt victorious, and smiled at Chris, warmly. When I got up to go get drinks, Will followed me into the kitchen.

"What are you doing?" He demanded.

"What do you mean?" I mimicked him, innocently.

"Chris." Was all he said.

I shrugged. "The same thing you're doing. I'm trying to move on."

"With another human?" Will asked, glaring at me. "Bullshit, Tessa. You're doing this to get back at me."

"Oh, so you're allowed to have a fling and I'm not?" I narrowed my eyes at him.

"That's not what I'm trying to say." Will replied.

"Then what?"

He sighed. "I just -- I need this, Tessa. I need to move on. Please understand."

I closed my eyes, and sighed, and then opened them again. "I do understand, Will. I would never stop you from moving on. It's too selfish."

"Okay." He said a bit awkwardly.

We both stared at each other for a second, his blue eyes burning bright. I felt a rush of affection course through me, and my heart melted a bit.

"Why her, though?" I asked. "Tatiana? I thought you hated Lightwoods."

"I only hate Gabriel." Will replied and then shrugged. "She's nice."

Nice in bed? I thought, and then felt ashamed. Will was allowed to like whoever he wanted, and it was none of my business. If he was going to move on, then so be it.

I plastered fake smile on my face. "She seems really great."

"Thanks." He mumbled, looking away from me.

We both then walked back to the living room, to see that everyone was gone, except for Chris and Tatiana. My mouth dropped open when I saw them. They were in a fierce embrace, kissing. They jumped apart when they saw us, looking embarrassed.

"Well then." Will said from beside me. "So much for moving on."

"Yup." I sighed.

I turned away from the two of them, and walked outside, Will following me. I sat down on the porch, and he did the same. I waved my hand, and little lights started to float in front of us. Will looked mesmerized.

"I don't think I'll ever be used to your magic." Will eyed the lights.

"Do you believe they were kissing?" I said, ignoring his statement.

"Yeah." Will sighed. "I can. Tatiana's a bit of a hoe."

I burst out laughing, and Will grinned sideways at me, looking pleased with himself.

"Don't let Gabriel hear that." I chuckled.

"No, he knows it too." Will replied breezily. "He admits it all the time. It's the only time I can stand being around him."

I smiled, laughing. "I never thought I'd ever hear you say that."

"I'm full of surprises." Will smirked.

I only rolled my eyes, amused. After a few minutes, Will drove me home. When we reached my house, he walked me to the door. We both stood their awkwardly, and I could feel what was coming. He was leaning closer to me, and I was too.

"Will," I whispered, our lips centimetres away. "We can't."

"Tess." He whispered, putting his hand on my cheek. "I love you so much."

I closed my eyes. "Don't say that."

"I can't help it." He was trailing his lips across my cheek.

He finally reached my lips, and pressed his softly to mine. I kissed him back, and his hands slid to my waist, and mine went around his neck. Will kissed me a bit harder, and I moaned slightly. My back was pushed up against my front door, Will pressed right up against me.

"We have to stop." I whispered against his lips.

He groaned in defeat, and pulled away from me. When he did that, it felt I was missing a limb. Something vital I needed. We both stood there, not touching anymore, just looking at each other.

"Good night, Will." I said, my voice uneven.

He leaned and kissed my cheek slowly. "Good night, Tess."

Will then walked away from me, and drove off in his car. I only stood there, feeling like I could just feel the distance between us getting farther. I needed him forever, but I couldn't have him. You know how you can fix that, Tessa, a voice said in my head. But I couldn't. I couldn't give up my family and Jem.

I just couldn't.