A Lifetime of Memories

The Beginning of the End

                  

I go to Jamie's room and see that he is awake. I am kind of dreading this conversation because it would determine if he still wanted to be with me. He was also finding out that I had stage three breast cancer.

I knock on the door to tell him that I was there. He looked over at me and I couldn't read his face that well.

"I'm sorry."

"For what putting me in here? That sucks, I don't want to talk to you right now and I don't want to hear some excuse about it was a heat of the moment sentence that you told me. I believe it, that you regret being her in Texas with me. I don't want yo-" I interrupt him.

"I understand that you are upset about this but why the fuck did you drink so much. Of all the things to do after a break up or whatever you call this you almost drink yourself to death. No I don't feel sorry for you about that. I am sorry that I haven't been completely honest with you. I found out earlier this year that I have stage three breast cancer and I needed you. I should have told you that I have it but you never asked me how I was truly doing in the last few months. You were so focused on the season and getting ready for the postseason that you hardly asked how I was. This is our fucking problem we fucking suck at communicating. We always need something dramatic, usually heath related, to happen for us to communicate how we feel. I am tired of fucking being in hospitals. You know what I found out today? Don't answer, I found out that Matt has cancer, he lives in Houston and has a fiancée. I feel like since I was raped we haven't been the same. Hell I haven't been the same. Sure we had great times together but we aren't the great power couple that people saw us as. So if you want we can continue to be engaged and be 100% truthful to each other and fucking communicate better or are we fucking done?"

"Honestly I think that this should be the end. I don't think that we should be together. We have struggled since that lockout year. I don't blame you for this at all. This is all my fault."

"I mean this with all my heart, don't be a stranger. I am putting in my two weeks tomorrow. I don't know what I am going to be doing next but I will be fine. Jamie we have been through a lot and I mean a lot. Thank you for all these years that we have had as friends. I know that we won't talk a lot and I know that there is going to be this awkwardness between us from now on but know that our friendship has been one of the best I could have had."

I didn't let him respond. I turned around and left. I went back to Matt's room to hear laughing among three people that I know are going to be important over the next few days and weeks.

"Hannah are you okay? He just texted me saying that you officially broke it off and he said something about you quitting." Tyler says walking over to me engulfing me in a hug.

"Honestly no I'm not okay. Today has been a pretty shitty day and as much as I want to go back into his room and tell him to forget what I just said it needed to happen. As much as I love working for the Stars I can't work there knowing that Jamie is employed by the same team. I can't walk into that building and have a feeling that I messed up so soon after the break up. I love the team with all my heart but I have to do it."

"Hey no I completely understand. You need a fresh start and where ever you end up you need to tell me because I am going to visit and I am going to text you, call you, facetime you, Skype you and show up at your house at random times throughout the year. Okay?"

"Don't say that because I have said that to people in this room and you saw how I got reconnected with them. I am not about to visit you in the goddamn hospital in nine years ok?"

"Hannah I meant to ask this earlier but are you doing your treatments?" Matt asked.

"Yeah about that. I haven't been doing them at all. I wasn't doing them because I had so much negative shit going on in my life that I just didn't want to live. I guess that the argument that J and I had this morning was worth it even though he ended up in the hospital. That might sound bad but it might have changed my views on this whole cancer thing. Because if he didn't drink so damn much I wouldn't have come to the hospital and if I didn't come to the hospital I would have never known you were here with fucking cancer. This whole day as bad as it might have been, it has certainly changed my vantage point on life right now."