I slowly wake up light shining in my face. I groan and open my eyes just enough to see if my cowboy is awake. His eyes are closed and his breathing is steady so I lay my head back down on his chest. It's my new favorite place to be. Out of nowhere I feel that sudden urge that makes me pull out of Blake's arm and sprint to the bathroom on the bus. This isn't the first morning this has happened but I chalk it up to car sickness.
"Gwen are you sick again?"
I look up to see my cowboys worried face. A site that seems to be the norm here lately. He worries to much, but secretly I love it. Gavin was alway mad when I was sick. He would complain that he had to get the boys up and ready for school, saying that mornings were my job and I knew how he hated mornings.
My thoughts are interrupted...
"Gwen are you ok? Do you need me to get you something? Maybe you should make an appointment with the Doctor."
" I'm fine. It's just carsickness."
I feel that urge hit me once again. This time I feel him sitting down on the floor next to me, wrapping his arm around my waist. When I finish I lean into his chest while he strokes my back softly. Almost asleep again, I'm brought back to reality by a tiny boy yelling "momma, Bwake."
For now the feeling has passed and I reassure my cowboy that I'm ok and get up to get my baby boy. The smile I see when I reach his bed is one that drops me to my knees every time. My boys mean the world to me but again my mind wonders to the thought of a little Blake, maybe a little girl version.... I shake my head I don't know what my deal is lately, I just can't shake the thought of wanting to give Blake the kid he has always wanted.
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It was time to start getting ready for the last show before we head back to Cali. I was in my chair with Danilo working his magic on my hair.
"I don't get I have never been carsick before but it's been every morning since we started the tour."
"It is rather odd that it would start all of a sudden but who know maybe that type of thing can just come on you at a random time."
"Yeah maybe. I feel bad because it's got Blake all worried and upset. I keep telling him it's nothing, I'm always fine by the afternoon."
"That man is so head over heals heals for you girl. I'd be worried if he wasn't upset to see you sick. You said your only sick in the morning... You don't think you could be pregnant do you?"
At that we both busted out laughing. Me pregnant yeah ok. I felt like the luckiest mother alive to have had Apollo, my miracle baby. I knew he was my last baby. That's one of the things I have struggled with since the start of this crazy ride with my cowboy. I knew how much he wanted kids of his own, and I've felt like by being with him I'm denying him that chance just like his ex. There have been many tear filled conversations about how he should move on and find someone who can give him the family he deserves. However it always ends with him holding me telling me that the boys and I are all the family he needs.
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What a whirlwind the summer was! The fans were amazing and it reminded me once again of how blessed I am to have the life I have. Like who knew the girl from Anaheim would end up living this life! I'm always blown away by the love my fans have for me, like what did I do to deserve this.
It's so nice to be sleeping in my bed again in my house. After being on the bus for months being home is like heaven. Blake had a concert in Nashville so he wasn't home for our first night back in LA, which made it hard to sleep. I never sleep good when he isn't here anymore. I didn't have to be up early in the morning since the boy went to their dads for the week so my plan was to sleep in for once.
My body had different plan though. I awake with the all to familiar feeling, and I fly to the bathroom. I'm not on the bus so what's up? I don't understand I have never been one to be sick like this except..... Oh shit...except when I was pregnant with King. No....I couldn't be....but what else could it be. I hear my cowboy ringtone. I force down the urge to go get my phone.
Putting on my happy face I slide to answer.....
"Hey cowboy!" His face is bright when I answer but falls as soon as he see me.
"Gwen what's wrong are you sick again?" Concern all over his face.
"Yeah I don't get what's up? I guess I'm gonna have make an appointment for this week." Hiding my thoughts from earlier
"Should I cancel everything for this week to go with you? What the hell yes I should!" He answers himself
"Woah Blake don't do that!!!! It's probably nothing, no need to stress before a reason."
"But I nee...."
"You need to be their for your career. If it's something serious then you can come home, but I'm telling you it's nothing." I interrupt him.
"If you say so. I miss you so much! I just want to hold you!"
"I miss you too! I didn't sleep good without my cowboy pillow!" I frown
I can hear someone talking to him in the background while he looks to the side.
"Baby girl I'm really sorry but I gotta go. I love you!"
"I love you to cowboy! Hurry home."
"Always sunshine."
I sit back against the bathtub and will myself to not throw up again. I pick up my phone and make the call to the gynecologist. I know Blake wants kids of his own it's been a sore spot for me, but what if he isn't ok with the timing. We hadn't discussed timing because we had accepted the fact that it wasn't possible.
After concern comes the hope. The hope I know I shouldn't have yet but can't help it. Another baby! Blue eyed curly haired baby.... Can she even think it....girl. She wants a girl so bad! Blake would adore a little girl. She would have him wrapped around her little finger. She wouldn't be upset however if it was another boy. Her boys are her world and she couldn't imagine her house covered in anything but swords and balls and cars.
The wave of nausea passes as she is daring to daydream. So she picks up the phone to call and hesitantly tells the receptionist she thinks she is pregnant. She is lucky enough to not have to wait. They have an opening that day before she has to pick up the boys. As she is driving she feels nauseous but she can tell is different, this time she is excited nervous and maybe even scared.
Before she goes into the office she sends Blake a text
"Heading into the doctor now will let you know what they say. love you! Gx"
