Blake and I lay in silence for a few minutes.
"Cowboy remember I got that phone call from my agent at dinner?" I question him
"Yeah I remember. What was that all about?" Blake ask
"Well they got me a gig in London."
"Wow London that's so far away."
"I accepted it."
"Wait what?" Shock on his face
"Without even talking to me?" I see his face fall just a little
"I'm sorry I didn't think you would mind." I answer genuinely shocked he is upset
"It's ok I guess. Isn't it gonna be really hard to be away from Addie? And the boys?"
"Away from them? I'm just gonna take them with me. It will be great for the boys they can see their fathers parents."
"So you just made this whole plan without talking to me about it?" He said a lil bit bitterly
"Well you have a couple shows that weekend so I didn't see a problem with it."
"Gwen the point is you didn't ask me! Those are my kids too. You don't get to just decide to take them all on your own. That's not how parenting as a couple works!"
"Wow Blake. I thought you would be happy for me. After seven months off I finally get to do a show." I say siting up looking at him
"Gwen you aren't taking the kids. That's way to long of a flight for them especially Apollo and Addie."
"Excuse me? Wow Blake wow. Talk about making the decision alone you just did the same thing."
I can't handle anymore of this right now I'm exhausted and too emotional to continue this conversation. I can feel the tears in my eyes spill down my cheeks. I look away and get up to get my bathrobe walking out of the room. As I leave I hear him say "Gwen you can't just leave". I revert to the response ingrained in my mind. "Watch me" I whisper to myself. I head in the kitchen to make tea. As the water is warming the tears are just pouring down my face. This is the first time Blake and I have ever fought. All the memories of Gavin and I comes flooding back into my head. I knew the shoe was gonna fall sooner or later. The to good to be true was a lie. I can't believe I let myself think we could have the special love and understanding of each other. I suddenly feel two strong hands grab the sides of my waist from behind.
"Gwen, baby, please don't cry. I'm sorry I reacted that way. I really am."
Sobs wrack my body harder. He turns me around pulling me to his chest. Im mad at him. I shouldn't be turning to him for comfort and strength, but I need him. So I give in and I bury my face in his chest and cry. His hand rubs circles on my back trying to calm me.
"Blake I'm sorr......"
"Shhh sunshine its late let's not do this now. We will work something out. I promise. Ok?" he says looking me in the eyes
"Ok" I say almost a whisper
He takes my hand and leads me back to bed. We lay down but we don't touch each other, laying on opposite sides of the bed. Tears continue to fall as I will sleep to come, but it does not and I know why. Both of us toss and turn until around 5am.
"Gwen can we put this aside for now and you just come here? I can't sleep and neither can you."
I don't answer him. I just turn over and crawl to him. My head rests on his chest and my leg falls in between his. His arms are wrapped around me squeezing me to his chest. We both must have fallen asleep as we are jolted awake by the alarm telling us to get up and get the boys up for school. I don't look at him or say a word. I climb out of his arms and move to go get the boys up.
...............................................................................................................................................
I get home from taking the boys to school. Apollo went this morning too, which is good as I think of the discussion I know Blake and I are about to have. What makes this even harder is the fact that his mother and sister are in the house to. I don't want to fight in front of everyone. I want to be strong and hold this conversation off until they return home but I can't. I miss Blake. I miss my good morning kiss. I miss his warmth. I miss him, everything about him. I wipe the tears off my face as I get out of the SUV. I walk into the house hearing them all in the living room talking and playing with Addie. I pop my head around the corner into the room. I'm taken aback by the site of my cowboy sitting in the chair staring at our daughter tears running down his face. No one else seemed to notice but I did.
"Blake can I talk to?" Bringing everyone's attention to us as he gets up walking my way
We head up stairs to our room. We both sit on the bed and just stare at each other for a few minutes. Finally I reach out and grab his hand pulling it to my lap.
"I'm sorry" we both say at the same time making us cautiously smile at each other
"Blake I'm sorry."
"Gwen" he interrupts
"No please let me talk first. I'm so sorry. I'm not used to having a partner in parenting. Gavin never cared what the boys and I did as long as it didn't mess up his schedule. I know your not him but out of poor habit I just made plans myself. I know your not him and I need to stop those reflexes by thinking before I act. I'm trying Blake I really am. Please forgive me! I miss you. I need you. I don't have to go I'll cancel with my agent as soon as we are finished here."
"Gwen I cancelled my shows. Or moved them to another date I should say. I'll have to have a few long weekends to make up for it but I will do anything to stop your tears." He says as he reaches up and brushes a few away
"What? Blake why?" I'm flabbergasted
"Because now all of us together can go to London. You have help Gwen. I'm right here. You don't have to do this alone anymore."
"Blake are you serious? You moved shows and stuff just so we all can go?" I lean in planting a huge kiss on his lips.
"Are you sure?" I ask not being totally sure if this is real
"100% sure. I'm not him Gwen. It's me the cowboy, who would lasso the moon for you if you wanted it. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect Gwen. I'm sorry I fail that last night."
"Your right you aren't him. I have never been on even ground parenting with anyone. And because of that I have to learn how to do this as a team. I don't want anyone on my team but you. Please be patient with me. I love you so much and this has been hell. I need my cowboy."
"I love you to sunshine. I know your learning but I'm learning to so I'm sorry if I am overprotective. I just can't imagine a world without our family in it. So we are all going to London for your gig together."
I leap forward my arms wrapping around his neck, my lip crashing into his, and him pulling me into his lap. Our tongues battle. The electricity between us is almost painful. We brake apart both of us trying to catch our breaths. Blake let's a huge grin come across his face as one follows onto my face.
"As much as I really would love to have hot sex right now, your family is all in the living room. They are probably losing their minds trying to figure out what wrong since we were both crying."
"Shit. So my family is cock blocking is what your saying?" I nod my head yes
"Sorry cowboy but rain check please?"
"Absolutely"
We smile plant one more loving kiss on each other's lips, before heading downstairs cuddled together as tight as we can. We walk into the living room where everyone is. The room falls silent, and everyone looks super uncomfortable.
"Every..."cough" thing ok?" Dot gets out
"Yeah everything is fine mom. Just a rough night last night."
He gives them this explanation hoping that will settle their minds so they don't worry or pry.
"Okay baby boy. Gwen we think Addie may be hungry. She is getting a little fussy and we already changed her diaper."
"Okay thanks I'll go feed her. Oh and guess what?"
"What?" Dot asks intrigued
"We are going to give her baby food for the first time ever at her party! That way you guys get to be apart of a big first!"
Dot and Endy both begin to cry coming over to us giving us hugs and thank you's.
