Just as I am about to turn to grab the door handle I feel the wind and the impact. His fist punches a hole in the wall right beside my face. I cringe and look at him half in disbelief and half in fear he might do it again but to me this time.
"How could you Gwen? How could you be so irresponsible and selfish? What do you think the boys are feeling knowing ur replacing them? That they aren't enough for you?"
Tears are running down my face. He nearly hit me and now he is accusing me of being a bad mom. He always knows how to get to me, what buttons to push but I somehow find the will to stop the tears and compose myself.
"The boys know this baby isn't replacing them. They are just as excited as we are. And no it wasn't planned but it's also none of your damn business. Anything that I do with my life from the divorce on is none of your fucking business. I'm done with you thinking you control me cause you don't."
I don't give him the chance to answer, I turn and walk out slamming the door behind me. Thankfully there is a bush blocking the view from the car. I stand there and let the tears fall. Part of me questions if what he said was true. Do the boys resent the baby? Do they think I'm replacing them?
I shake my head and once again gather myself together trying not to show what turmoil my emotions are in. I walk to the car and get in. I can see Blake's expression fall as he reaches for my hand but doesn't say anything. The fact that he is so in tune with me pushes me over the edge. I sit there quiet with tears running down my face while Zuma excitedly tells Blake about the grass hopper he found at Gavin's. By the time we get home it's time for Apollo's nap and I can tell the boys are tired too, probably because there is no structure at Gavin's. So I put in a movie and tell the boys its chill time. Once the boys are settled, Blake grabs my hand and pulls me upstairs toward our room. As soon as the door is closed he pulls me into a hug and the tears start all over again.
"Shh baby, it's ok I got ya! Everything is gonna be ok! I'm right here and I'm never letting go!" Blake says rubbing my back while squeezing me tight.
My tears slow, but I'm no where near ready to let go.
"Gwen sunshine are you ready to tell me what happened?"
Still holding him tight I take a deep breath and begin.....
"He saw my belly and he flipped out. He said that I wasn't thinking about the boys. That I was being selfish and trying to replace them. The look on his face when he punch the wall... I knew he was gonna hit me. He literally punch a hole in the wall next to my face."
"He almost hit you?!?!? I'm gonna pummel his puny ass!!!"
I could feel him tense and tighten his grip on me. I loved that he was possessive of me in a love and protective kind of way, rather than as his possession like my ex. I feel Blake move us to the bed to sit down. He drawls me into his lap,we are still holding each other but now I can see his face. I can see the rage, hate, fear, and even a hint of an I'm sorry.
"Gwen I'm sorry"
"What are you talking about cowboy?"
"I should have gone up there with you. I should have been there to protect you. I let you down and I'm truly sorry. I promise he will never get close enough to hurt you again."
"Blake it's not your fault. I told you to stay even though my gut was screaming to let you come. Promise me a few things..."
"Anything sunshine. Absolutely anything."
"First promise me you will come drop off and pick up the boys with me. Second promise me you won't hit him. We have to be the adults for the boys."
"I promise Gwen. Now, are you ok?"
"Yeah I'm ok, just not ready to let go."
"Sunshine you hold on as long as you need to. I'm here. I'm gonna keep you and our family safe."
...............................................................................................................................................
That night we decide to cook spaghetti at home. Blake is a much better cook than he gets credit for. We sit down for dinner as a family and say grace. Apollo has grown up so much that I want to cry. Watching him feed himself with a spoon. I feel Blake's elbow and realize that I was staring and that everyone was quietly eating. I give Blake a smile letting him know it's ok. He asked if he could tell the boys. He was so cute asking I couldn't help but say yes.
"Boys, you know your mom and I went to the doctor today and guess what we found out?"
"Did they tell you what the baby is!?!? Please say they did!?" King yelled
"Am I getting another brother!?! Or a sister!?! I want a sister for mommy." Zuma proclaimed
"We did find out today! And boys your getting a baby sister!" Blake tells them
Both boys yell "yes" and run to me giving me a hug and kissing my belly. They are such sweet boys. I love that even though they hadn't had the most affectionate role model prior to Blake that they turned out to be more sensitive and affectionate like me. The smile on everyone's faces are huge.
"Mom I have a question." Zuma says
"What's up honey?"
" The baby is a girl, does that mean she won't want to play cars and stuff with us?"
" Aww Zums I'm sure she will still love to play cars with you. She just might like playing with dolls and stuff too."
"Ok good cause I still want to play with her even if she is a girl." Zuma says proudly as my heart once again melts.
"Guy are you excited to have a baby sister?" Blake asks
"Yeah" all three boys answer
