adult

018. streets

JUNGKOOK 정국
SWEDEN LAUNDRY / STUFFY DAWN

i couldn't get myself to stay in that dorm.

being that i was the only one that left home early, i was alone — and it was going to be this way for another week or two. i didn't have anyone to talk to in the meantime, nowhere to be, and i surely couldn't talk to jimin, or eunseo for that matter.

eunseo had been trying to reach me ever since i left busan. her name had flashed on my screen so often that i've lost count, but i didn't read a single word of her messages. it was hard, ignoring her, with countless times of catching myself reaching to reply.

hongdae was always busy around this time of year, but i didn't mind. i shivered inside my coat and brought it tighter around me, blocking the piercing winds that blew through my body. swinging my bag on my left hand, i shuffled my feet down the pavement.

i knew that i was probably going to get in trouble for this, for being alone without another member or our manager. it wasn't a very good idea not wearing a mask, but i thought that it wouldn't cause too much of a problem. realizing that i failed to tell anyone else besides eunseo that i was coming back to seoul early, i figured that i would get into even deeper trouble, but i didn't mind.

i sighed, bowing my head as i wandered the streets. i tried not to think much of jimin and eunseo, but somehow the thought of them together kept lingering in my head, and the text that she sent me the night before lingered too. my eyebrows furrowed at the idea of her smoking, and the idea of her smoking with jimin.

i cared about her. too much. maybe a little too much to the point where i didn't care about anyone else — not even myself. it hurt, and i found myself trying to blame eunseo, blame jimin. i just couldn't recognize that i was the one to blame. it was because of me that it hurt, i was hurting myself.

i jumped a little when i felt a light tap on my shoulder, and turned with wide eyes, greeted by a shorter girl. i looked down even further to see a lit cigarette in her hand, summoning a frown across my face.

"ah — i'm sorry, oppa — but is it okay if i take a picture with you?" she muttered, and i smiled.

"only if you put out that cigarette," i say gently, trying hard not to sound as demanding, and i chuckled at the sight of her obeying almost immediately. "it's bad to smoke, you know — it's bad for your lungs." i giggled a bit, and she nodded. i crouched down and smiled alongside her, and afterwards seeing even more fans come over to ask for pictures themselves.

it made me feel warm — being around those who supported me. it almost made me forget about everything else in the world, including how late it was getting. but i knew that i couldn't spend much time out, and i kept that thought in the back of my head. "thank you!" i waved, and turned to begin my way back to the dorm.

"wait, jungkook!" i hear a voice call out. "are you okay? why are you alone?"

"i'm okay, don't worry. i just wanted to clear my head," i smile softly, earning "ah, okay"'s from the crowd, and i wave again. "thank you!"

"don't smoke!" i say to the same girl before turning to head back.

as i was getting farther and farther away from the crowd, my grin turned back to a frown. my mind couldn't help but bring back the thought of eunseo. not once did i forget to think about her since i left, and i was more than certain that it would be that way for a while.

i pulled my phone out of my pocket, staring at the screen for what felt like an eternity. i hesitated, but it was almost like my thumb involuntarily went to my messages and went to her name.

EUNSEO: jungkook don't go
SENT 1/23/16

EUNSEO: don't fucking leave me here we need to talk
SENT 1/23/16

EUNSEO: fuck why won't you answer
SENT 1/24/16

EUNSEO: please call me. i don't care when just call me
SENT 1/26/16

EUNSEO: i know you're reading these
SENT 1/27/16

EUNSEO: jimin won't stop bothering me lets talk
SENT 1/28/16

EUNSEO: answer me dammit
SENT 1/30/16

EUNSEO: i need you
SENT 1/30/16

EUNSEO: i fucking hate you.
SENT 1/31/16

i didn't respond. i didn't know if i wanted to, anyway. i didn't know if she wanted me to, either, because it was already the fifth of february and i was sure that that was the end of it. i'm sure she meant it when she said that she hated me, but i didn't mind.

because maybe i started to hate myself, too.

—

a/n; wow this is HELLA unedited smh
but i really wanted to post for you guys because it's been more than a few weeks since i last updated :( sorry for the wait