House Number 1402

Prepare For War

Betrayal. It's a feeling that can easily take over your whole body, infiltrating your mind while it twists around inside of you like a knife.  

I couldn't decide if I would have rather had the sweet bliss of ignorance or the pain inflicting truth. It was almost suffocating to know how many lies were traded, how many secrets were hidden, and how long they went on with it. My own mother, the woman I looked up to most, hid more things from me than anyone else. She let me believe that my father wanted nothing to do with me, and kept his death hidden away. She lied about who I was and what I could possibly become. It was an omission that stung deep.  

My best friend, whom I thought only knew the secrets I had told her, knew me better than I knew myself. She was the one person I ran to with any problems that I thought I couldn't tell anyone else. That safety net that everyone needs, that one friend who loves you unconditionally. I told her every dark secret I had and she held more of my secrets that I didn't even know I had.  

It's extremely painful when you realize that the two people who you thought would never dare to hurt you are the ones that hurt you the most, even if it was unintentional.  

I would be lying if I said that a part of me didn't understand why they felt the need to do the things that they did. I truly believe that they felt as though they had no choice. My mother was trying to protect me from a life that she thought I would never be a part of, while my best friend was probably just following orders.  

I had a decision to make, one that was seemingly easy, but felt hard as hell. I could either suck up the pain and accept things for the way they were, or I could let the pain eat me alive and leave. I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about the whole thing. I had yet to cry, stomp my feet, or yell. I knew everything had sank in because I constantly felt sick to my stomach. The more I thought about everything, the more I wanted to puke.  

Anytime I thought about leaving home, I would think of Jackson. Anytime I thought about staying I found myself questioning everyone around me. I suppose it was mostly a trust issue. How could I trust the people who had done nothing but lie? At the same time, how could I leave the people I loved the most? 

I knew what I needed to do, what I wanted to do. I wanted to move past it. I wanted to ignore the fact that I had been betrayed. For me, it was much easier to forgive and hopefully forget than to run and always hold onto the pain. I refused to feel broken, beaten down by something that was completely out of my hands. I decided to move past it and embrace the life that was revealed to me.  

After my mother had shown me the letter, I returned to my room for the remainder of the day. Jackson of course tried to come talk to me, but I once again needed space. I needed time to myself to figure everything out, and that's what I did. I stayed in my room the entire day and thought over everything. My brain didn't stop running over every single detail of the last month of my life until I was so exhausted I couldn't think straight.  

Then I woke up with a feeling of determination. I was determined not to go down and determined to accept the things that I could not change. I couldn't change the way everything had happened, I just had to believe that they had my best interest at heart.  

With that in mind, I made my way out of my bedroom and into the bathroom for some much needed pampering. I showered and then dressed nicely in a pair of light purple capris and a white fitted t-shirt. I then curled my hair and applied some make-up, things I hadn't done since my life got turned upside down.  

When I stepped into the kitchen, hoping to find something to eat, I was greeted by seven people. Mark and my mom were sitting at the table with coffee cups in hand, Ethan was resting against the counter next to the fridge with Clair leaning against him, Ken sat across from my mom with Dean next to her, and then Jackson was leaning against the counter behind the table. I looked around once more, figuring that Elly would be there too since Dean was, but she was nowhere in sight.