Zahabia's World of Thoughts *Islamic Story*

June 25, 2016

Dear Journal, 

                          Although it's a bit late, Ramadan Kareem. So far, my Ramadan has been good. I drank Zamzam for the first time! My dad was given an entire jug of it. I faced the Ka'ba and made dua for my entire family while I drank it. I hope that it is answered. 

                          This Ramadan was the first time that I served people food. It was pretty cool. I stopped for a few days because people were judging me. OKay so usually everyone sits down and then we serve them. But one night that servers we taking a while so someone told me to tell everyone to stand up and make a line. I did, however another sister wanted them to all sit down again. My mother said one night won't hurt to be different, and I emphasized this to the lady. She left me be and we bagan serving. 

                        When mostly everyone had gotten there plate, the chicken was proclaimed gone. The lady then told me that this was why it was better for them to site down and everyone was getting a bunch of chicken. First of all, I was there to whole time. People got more than one plate and put chicken on all of them, no one got a ton of chicken on one plate. Second of all there was only one pan of chicken anyway, meaning we would have ran out whether we had told them to line up or served them. Of course I didn't tell her this, I simply sat that and listened. She even accused me of not careing that some people couldn't have chicken. So then the next night when I told them I needed a few plates outside. The lady's daughter was being rude. Plus, when I first came up to them, the lady looked at me with an expression I couldn't desipher before saying something to her daughter in Arabic. Inshallah Allah will make them better people, and not let them do that to anyone else. 

                       Another issue I'm having is eatign as of recently. The last time I ate an actual meal was yesterday. Because I'm not fasting right now and  everyone else is, I forget to eat. I stopped eating Iftar at the masjid becuase I've gotten tired of chicken and rice. Another problem is my weight. I know that I am no where close to fat. However, my family jokingly (i think) says that since I'm not growing taller, I can only grow out. Sometimes they just say fat. 

                       I brush it off every time, I feel no need to cry about it. But sometimes, I feel that it's slowly eroding my confidence. I can look in the mirror, see the slightest flaw, and say that I'm ugly. I try to remember that allah made me how he wanted, but I still doubt myself at times. 

                      Ugh, now more depressed thoughts or drama stuff. I'm going to drown out the world now. 

Salams,

              Zahabia