Jealousy. || Minizerk

Confusion and Confessions [6]

*Simon's P.O.V*

I stood still. Staring. My mouth wide open to the extent that my jaw was beginning to ache. Did I hear him right? Did i imagine it? Had I jumbled up the words or understood it differently to what i should have? No.
No.
I hadnt.
That was the problem.
Ethan was in love with me and i hadnt a clue what to do nor say. So i stayed still for a further few seconds, still unable to speak and trying to put a sentence together in my head. But to my expectations, a well put together sentence full of emotion did not come out of my mouth. A gulp, an emotionless glance into his eyes and a simple 'oh' was all i managed to say before i completely broke down.

I didn't understand. He'd never shown any signs? I mean, yes, whilst recording they'd be Emon jokes..but it wasn't the only ship that was mentioned and it certainly wasn't mentioned more than Minizerk. With Josh, we both often made obvious hints at each other; showing affection discreetly. Even if we used an excuse such as 'it's just banter' if somebody noticed our comments to one another. However, with Ethan. He never made any remarks whatsoever towards us. Towards Emon. He never flirted with me, nothing. Unless? No. Had he? Had he flirted with me? Tried to get closer? Maybe he had. Maybe he had left signs yet i was too lost in my 'thing' with Josh that id failed to even notice. I had no idea. None at all. About anything. That he liked me. If he'd shown signs, if he hadn't. If i had noticed and pushed it aside without realizing. I didn't know anymore. I didnt know anything about anything.

WHY DID EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE SO COMPLICATED. I DIDN'T KNOW WHO I WAS, WHAT WAS HAPPENING, WHO HAD OR WHO WAS DOING WHAT....i didnt when know what or even...who, i wanted anymore.

I collapsed to the floor in a fit of tears as Behz rushed to my side, pulled me closer and rubbed my back in an act of kindness and in an attempt of comforting me. But having him that close after what he just admitted only made my confusion grow and it was the least thing i wanted right now.

"Get off me." i muttered.

Ethan looked up at me. Unsure if he had heard correctly as the words spilled from my chapped, cold lips.

"What do you mean?" he choked out. [sorry -had to;)].. Hoping for anything except me repeating what he thought i had just heartlessly growled to him.

Without thinking, i shoved him. Hard. Screaming the words "i dont want you. I want Josh." unintentionally. It was to late to stop. The words just poured out of my cold hearted body and travelled sharply towards my friend.

Ethan stood there. Unable to speak. Before looking dissapointedly down at his feet. Expressing  'i thought you were different from this, Simon' in an upset tone before taking off and leaving me alone by the tree he had confessed his love to me next to only moments ago.