Tourist Trap

Chapter 9

In his drunken stupor Max was having great difficulty remembering which Roto-Bus route would take them back to Smelly Pete's Tavern. "I thought it was line 71, but perhaps it was 23. I do tend to get those two numbers confused." 

"Yes, I can certainly see why," Zeke rolled his eyes. "Look, Maxwell, old buddy. Why don't we just ask the bus driver?" 

"Because we can't get to the bus driver. You know, security reasons and all. There's no way into the drivers seat from the bus itself. They have to enter through some secret portal known only to Roto-Bus drivers. Rumor has it it's located deep underground somewhere, but nobody knows for sure. You have to take a vow when you become a driver not to disclose its location to anybody." 

"What happens when a driver quits or retires?" Zeke asked. 

"They wipe their memories clean. They take this business very seriously." 

"I see," Zeke pondered. "Well, what are we going to do?" 

"Let's just get off at the next stop and maybe I can figure out where the hell we are." 

"Sounds good to me," Zeke conceded. 

They stepped off the bus and found themselves near a small park. The grass was a fiery red color and there was a large tree with eyeballs growing on its branches that seemed to follow them around as they walked. Zeke found it a bit creepy.  

A couple of young slugs sat on the park bench and made out with each other messily, accompanied by a nauseating slurping sound. Globs of slime dripped off them and splattered to the ground, leaving shiny puddles. 

"Man, let's get out of here," Zeke held his stomach queasily. 

"Sure thing, old buddy," Max replied. "Just give me a moment to get my bearings." 

"We've really gotta get these handcuffs off, too," Zeke complained. "All the other passengers on the Roto-Bus were staring at me like I was some sort of criminal." 

"And how do I know you're not a criminal, hmm?" Max asked. 

"I thought we established this already, Maxwell. I mean I thought we were buddies." 

"I still think it's possible that you're a vicious criminal element that needs to be locked away." 

Zeke gaped in astonishment. "What?" 

"Nah, I'm just kidding, buddy. You're okay. I'll undo the cuffs as soon as I locate the key. Unfortunately I'm still not sure where I left it. Come to think of it, it might still be sitting on my desk. Just relax. We'll get these things off eventually. In the meantime I've figured out where we are." 

"Really? Where?" 

"Somewhere in Quartzwater City," Max replied confidently. 

"That's just great. You always get my hopes up that you've got everything all figured out and then you just go ahead and state the obvious." 

"Well hey, that's an important distinction to make. For all we know that Roto-Bus could have dropped us off somewhere outside of city limits, but thanks to my keen insight I've narrowed our location down to a park somewhere within the city. That's a good start." 

Zeke glanced at the eyeball tree and let out an involuntary shudder. "Look, this park is giving me the creeps. Let's get out of here. Maybe if we encounter some major road you'll recognize where we are." 

"Very well," Max conceded. "Let's go this way." He pointed to a small path leading off to the left. He paused as they passed the two slugs who were still kissing sloppily on the park bench. "Hey, get a room you two! That's disgusting! Sheesh, the nerve of some people. In public no less."