Tourist Trap

Chapter 27

"Michelangelo?" Zeke asked. "You're the bandit prince?" 

"I already told you I was," the small monkey said. "What, are you deaf?" 

"What the hell are you doing setting yourself up as a criminal kingpin? Bad monkey! You're coming with me right this instant!" Zeke made a move to grab Michelangelo's arm but two thugs immediately stood in his way and pushed him back to his knees. Daedalus had already been taken to another room and Zeke was left alone with the monkey and his bodyguards. 

"I think not, my friend," Michelangelo smiled evilly. "You see, although I do appreciate your efforts in trying to hook me up with that chicken babe, I find I enjoy my position much more in this world than in your world. Perhaps I'll lock you up in a cage for awhile. How does that sound, hmm?" 

"Come on, Michelangelo, I was only doing my job," Zeke pleaded. "I tried to let you out to run around as often as possible." 

"Yes, yes. And I would be remiss in my duties as the lord of the criminal underworld if I were to let you go unmolested. Besides, all I recall was 'Michelangelo don't touch this,' and 'Michelangelo put down that flask,' and that infernal 'bad monkey.' Well now it seems the shoe is on the other foot." 

"If it was up to me I would have let you play with whatever lab equipment you wanted, but I was under strict instructions not to let you touch anything." 

"Fool! Did you believe I was merely 'playing' with the lab equipment?" Michelangelo sneered. "No, all that time I was honing my criminal skills. Picking pockets, stealing equipment, escaping from my wretched hellhole of a cage. Did you think that when I arrived here they just gave me my position? I earned it bit by excruciating bit, slowly building my reputation as the greatest criminal mind in all of Quartzwater City!" 

"But how?" Zeke asked. "You've spent most of your life in Dr. Octavius' lab." 

"Yes, this is true. For a long time I was content with my lot in life. I didn't know anything else existed. But then one day Dr. Octavius brought me with him on one of his trips here. He intended to perform some experiment on me, but his attention invariably got captured by other matters, leaving me free to explore the city on my own. He eventually tracked me down and forcibly took me back to our world, but he brought me with him numerous times after that. Every time I found that I had opportunity to explore the city further. Before long I fell into a pickpocket racket operating in the southeastern quadrant. I slowly worked my way up the ranks until I found myself in a position to challenge for the title of bandit prince. Needless to say my predecessor is no longer with us. I would have never returned to the laboratory again but Dr. Octavius caught me with that blasted tranquilizer gun and I woke up back in my cage, patiently waiting for the right moment to make my escape. Now that I'm back I've taken precautions to ensure I never leave here again." 

"Wow, that's amazing," Zeke said. "All this time I thought you were just a horny little monkey." 

"Well, you can't change who you are," Michelangelo shrugged. "But suffice to say, my position here serves to more than adequately satisfy my needs." 

"So are you mixed up with this Trevor Mastodon guy?" Zeke asked. "Because I'm in cool with him. Uh, sort of." 

"Trevor Mastodon is of little consequence to me," Michelangelo said dismissively. "Some of his operations border on the questionable side of the law, but he maintains a 'legitimate' front. I could crush him like a rotten banana if the need arose. But for now his antics amuse me." 

"Come on now, Michelangelo. Despite my occasionally locking you in cages, we're buds, right? I mean I never beat you or anything. So couldn't you find it in your heart to let me go? And if, for some strange reason, Trevor Mastodon wanted to kill me, would you use your influence to stop him? Please? I really don't want to be locked in a little cage."