I spend the morning down at the kitchen table, trying to distract myself from my concerns with a dot to dot book.
But turns out my mind plays nasty tricks on me not only at night during dreams, but in broad daylight too.
Every shape somehow reminds me of Lacy. She'd often tell stories she'd dreamed up when I would visit her; more frequently in the days prior to being reunited with her family.
A simple half circle could remind me of the hooves of that young horse she spoke of, racing against time to find the magic wand that would stop a treacherous storm.
Once the picture was of a girl and her baby sibling and that reminded me of Lacy and Josie all at once.
None the less, I keep trying to use the little book as a distraction, and the day drags on.
It's twelve o' clock noon on the dot, when everything starts happening.
Mom's cell begins to ring and not more than two seconds later, our land line follows suit.
"Ohhhh k, AHHHH, Gen, would you see who's on the landline?"
I nod and throw my pencil in the center of the book's pages and reach for the phone as Mom answers her cell with a, "Hello?"
I barely have time to get out the first syllable of that same word when Josie starts in on me in a hushed yet desperate voice.
"Gen? Gen, oh goodness Gen I'm scared."
"Why? What's wrong?" I ask.
"Well, I-"
My brain blocks out the rest of her sentence because a sudden thump has caused me to whizz around.
I barely know what to do as I notice Mom with wide eyes and shaking hands, her phone on the floor. Terrified, she picks up the phone muttering, "Yes, yes I'm sorry. What was that?" as she walks out of the room. All the while, she avoided making eye contact with me.
Suddenly shaken, I almost feel myself go numb, as if my brain can't handle all the sudden confusion and fear rolling in. I shake my head and clutch the phone tighter. Interrupting Josie mid-sentence, I say, "Dude I'm so sorry I heard none of that. Can you start over?"
A confused silence ensues followed by a drawn out, "Ooooook."
I wait a little longer as I hear Josie quietly scolding Franklin about not touching her dress or something.
"My mom got home from work and guess who I had waiting for her???"
"Josie, what are you-?"
"My dad."
My heart skips a beat.
"Your... What?"
"My flippin dad."
There's a silence as I debate how I'm supposed to react to this. This... This is good! No? I don't know I-
"That may be really good! Who better to help you-"
"Noooo," Josie scoffs. "What do you think is going to happen when Dad finds out Mom is expecting?"
I bite my lip and scour every corner of my brain for a comforting yet logical answer. But before I can say anything Josie answers herself.
"I'll tell you what's going to happen. World War Three, that's what."
"Well... He didn't exactly make the best decisions in life either. He left you guys. Maybe they'll be able to see that neither of them have been perfect. Maybe he can find it in him to love the baby as his own."
Again silence enters as the wheels turn in Josie's head. When she speaks again, her throat sounds clogged and a sniffle interrupts her words.
"The way you say it... Makes me almost believe... We could all be a family again... Maybe..."
"You can be. I'll be praying for you ok?"
She barely forces out the simple word: "Yeah."
"But... If they start fighting and you and Franklin-"
"We'll be ok," she interrupts, determined but not angry.
She sniffs again, lets out an annoyed, "Franklin," and then says to me, "Sorry. I guess I don't know what I expected you to do. I just called cause I was scared."
"I'm glad you called," I reassure her. "I was really worried about you."
Her smile is tangible through the phone.
"Ok," she whispers. "Um, I guess I'll call you when I have more news."
"Ok," I agree.
Reluctantly, I hang up.
Lord, please heal their family. It'd be so amazing for them...
My mind quickly wanders back to this family and I look in the direction Mom had walked. I slowly creep my way in that direction and peek into her room.
She's in there. Her back is to me and her arms are across her chest. Her head is hanging down and her breathes are unsteady.
"Mom?"
Her head turns my way and then the rest of her follows suit.
"Oh, Gen, honey."
She comes up to me and starts talking before I can get any questions out.
"That was the hospital, dear. They want me to come talk with them. Don't worry, it's just we have to figure out Lacy's next treatment plan and-"
"Mom."
She wipes my shoulder as if to flick something off of it even though there's nothing there. Then hesitantly, she meets my eyes. "Yes?" she asks warily.
"You don't have to pretend in front of me. What's going on?"
She bites her lips and manages to keep the tears from falling.
"Lacy had a bad scare not over half an hour ago. She stopped breathing and they.... Had to work hard to bring her back. Something's up. They just started tests, they need me down there to talk about treatment and..."
She swallows hard. All I can think to say is, "Can I come with you?"
"No, no," she says sadly, brushing off the imaginary speck of dust again. "I need you here for when the others get home ok? Help Liam with his homework for me? Could you do that sweetie?"
She plants a kiss right on the top of my head and rushes out of her bedroom. Not long after, I hear the garage door open and the engine of a car starting up.
I stare out the window that leads to the backyard.
What if things were different? What if Lacy and Lily were best friends at school who didn't know a thing about pain? Who didn't know what it was like to be afraid of death, because death couldn't touch them? Why is it, that these two had to meet in a hospital? Why didn't they meet at the local children's theater or just the playground?
Why does this have to happen to kids, God?!?!?
I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever simply run out of tears...
Or if crying is all I'll ever do.
