We all fall asleep at the hospital that night. I guess none of the staff ever had the heart to kick us out because the next thing I know is that the sun is casting it's golden rays into the hospital room as I wake up on the long sofa-like chair, nestled in Michelle's arms.
Across the room, Bridget is snuggled up against Megan and Liam is in her lap.
I spot Ben in the other chair and I find myself letting out a small cry as I realize he wasn't here last night in time to say goodbye...
I squeeze my eyes shut again, trying to block out the world, not at all ready to face reality. The pain in my heart begins to suffocate me and a desperate gasp for air escapes my mouth, causing Michelle to stir.
"Bridge?" she mumbles, rubbing my back.
She opens her eyes a little and, realizing it's me she sighs, "Oh, Gen honey," and pulls me a little closer.
For the first time in a long time, I give myself full permission to cry and don't feel weak for doing it.
The tears flow and I'm not sure when they'll ever stop.
I force myself to look at Lacy's still form, actually believing for a moment that it was just another one of my nightmares...
But the eerie silence of the machines mocks me and reminds me that what happened last night was all too real.
Well... It is a nightmare... One that's come true.
I bury myself into Michelle's shoulder and feel that she's shaking too.
"G-Geniveve?" she whispers.
Afraid to even try and talk, I simply lift my head to look at her in order to signal that I'm listening.
"I... Did Lacy really... Um... Did she see some angel or something before...?"
The rest of her sentence catches in her throat.
"I... I belive it was an angel. Or rather the heavenly spirit of her friend..." I answer carefully.
She looks straight ahead of her, trying to wrap her head around that.
"Well... I never believed that angels... I-I don't..." she stumbles around for words for a while before finally just squeezing my hand and saying, "I love you."
"I love you too," I whisper.
Looking around, I realize Mom and Dad are nowhere to be found. I glance around at all my sleeping siblings.
What now? How are we supposed to keep on living?
I nearly throw up at the thought of all the problems I have facing me at home. Where am I supposed to go? Does my dad have a house? Are Josie and Franklin ok? What happened with their dad?
"Michelle?" I choke out.
"Yeah?"
"What if I want to live with you guys and my daddy?"
Michelle turns her head and her eyes lock with mine.
She bites her lip and I can hear her heart break as she whispers, "I... I'm not sure how all that is gonna work out."
I let out a sob and cry for all this cruel world has stolen from me. I don't mean to, but my cries seem to have waken the others and as they rub the sleep from their eyes, look at me as if their hearts are being grabbed and twisted.
Liam spots Ben and runs up to him. Ben picks him up and silently hold him close.
For the first time in my life, I had an actual desire for these people to stop caring about me for a minute.
Because I can't stop bawling, but I don't want them to have to hurt anymore than they do already.
"Hey guys? Let's go home. Mom and dad have a lot to talk about with the doctors and... other people. I'll drive you guys home. Gen's folks are probably worried and Lauren probably is too," Ben whispers.
Nobody argues, but it takes us all a long time to stand up and actually get moving.
Bridget slowly walks up to Lacy's bedside. I watch in worry as she gets closer and am really tempted to pull her away. But... She needs this moment... However hard it may be.
She gasps and puts a hand over her mouth to try and cover the oncoming sobs.
Megan, with tears cascading down her own face comes up and and puts her arm around Bridget, gently leading her to the door.
Ben led us to where he parked his car and Michelle texted Mom to let her know we had headed home.
***************
"Eh! There you are! Who are all the strangers in your house today?"
When we get home, Bridget's friend Natalie is waiting on the porch.
She skips up to us in her usual peppy mood but once she gets close enough to sense our grief, her smile is gone as fast as it had appeared when she saw us pull in.
She turns to Bridget.
"Bridge...?"
Bridget breaks down and throws herself into Natalie's arms. A shocked Natalie immediately begins to cry too, having this look of I hope what I'm thinking is wrong on her face.
The sound of more footsteps approaches and I look up to see Aunt Cassie, Dad, and Josie walking quickly towards us all. They all look at Bridget and Natalie embracing each other and their eyes go wide with worry.
"She died a hero," I croak out.
I watch Natalie as she rocks Bridget back and forth and closes her eyes, trying to take deep breathes as she realizes that what she thought, was correct.
Everyone stands still, not sure what to do.
The only sound is the sound of crying and I can't stand it so I keep talking.
"Somehow... The cancers of every kid in that hospital were taken out of them and put into her... She wanted to take away all the cancers to save them and... She did..." I stammer, trying to explain the unexplainable.
"She-She's the m-most beautiful example of-of selfless l-love that I've ever seen," I sob.
My dad breaks out of his statue state and picks me up as if I were five years old again. I try to block out the world as I press my face against his shoulder. When I lift my head up and see Aunt Cassie, she has a curious look of extreme guilt on her face.
"Josie? I... I'm not going to that appointment anymore."
"What? Mom, I understand if you want to stay here for Gen but she'd understand if need to check on the baby," Josie encourages softly.
"No, I- I'll make a new one," Aunt Cassie answers in a sort of daze, before quickly walking back into the house.
Dad turns around and we both watch her questioningly. But I can't think about that too much.
"Gen?" Megan calls from behind us.
I turn my head to face her. Her eyes held a look of pure curiosity mixed with a desperate search for answers... Somewhere there had to answers..
"There's a lot weighing on my mind and I feel the world and its meaning may be differnt than I ever thought so..." she starts carefully. "Did you teach Lacy about God?"
