A lot has happened in the past year.
We buried a beautiful girl...
Ben and Lauren got married and are expecting a baby boy.
The twins have chosen colleges and are about ready to head off to them!
And now, finally, finally, Lacy's Legacy of Love is ready to open for business.
Our family, always missing one, piles out of the car to see the building for the first time. Josie, Franklin, and Aunt Cassie are waiting at the front entrance.
Bridget carries Liam, even though he has been getting bigger everday.
Megan and Michelle walk hand in hand and Ben links arms with his wife. I walk beside my dad as Mama and Papa bring up the rear, doing a head count as they go.
I lean in and give my dad a side hug. I am incredibly grateful that he understood my descion to stay with the Tolias. My heart-Lacy's heart-told me I had to stay.
I had to be able to be there for Bridget for the times where the grief hit out of nowhere in the middle of the night-especially now with the twins moving out.
And it is good to have her there for me too.
You'd hardly notice that I don't live with my Dad. More days than not, I go to see him at his apartment after his work or he hangs out at the Tolias.
And the Tolias welcome him for all holidays, thank God.
Oh! And last year, the Tolias even had a nativity set in their living room.
I talked to the twins about my faith and it seemed to spread like wildfire in the Tolia house. I can't really explain what happened. All I can say is: I got another miracle.
They still have many questions-but, I mean, so do I. And I suppose we always will. But that's part of life's journey with God.
Before the reality of the magnitude of the day can hit me, we are all standing in front of Lacy's Legacy of Love. The sign on the front is brightly colored with a little makeshift dandelion next to the words.
And as if my heart isn't already bursting with love, pride, and the everpresent touch of longing, I bring my gaze down to see Aunt Cassie with her children-all three of them. Josie, Franklin... And little baby Lucy.
The minute Josie spots me, she runs up to me and gives me a huge hug.
"It's beautiful," I whisper as I linger in her embrace. "And so is your new sister!"
Josie pulls back and grabs my hands. "Mom's happy to be able to honor Lacy."
"She would have loved and hated it at the same time."
Brigdet's voices pulls my gaze her way and I see her gentle small smile as she gently strokes Liam's back.
She has managed to hold in her tears but I can still see the emotion in her eyes.
Bridget looks at me for a brief moment before turning back to the building. "She would've loved to have inspired this. But she wouldn't have wanted her name on it, you know what I mean?" she laughs half-heartedly.
I smile, walk over to her and lay my head on her shoulder.
Gazing at the this building that will impact so many lives, I close my eyes... And thank God.
And I realize that this is the first time I've thanked Him for... anything since we lost Lacy...
When tradegy strikes, many people try to offer comfort by saying it was God's will.
But I... don't believe that's the case.
Fatal car accidents are not God's will. Mental illness striking and wrecking people's lives is not God's will.
A child dying of cancer... It's not His will.
I believe these things happen because our world is broken.
Of course, the Lord wants us to take up our crosses and the good news is, He will be there to give us strength. God can take the ashes of these tradegies and make beauty grow from them. He alone can make such hope grow out of such despair. He doesn't want us to suffer in vain. So I continue to put my trust in Him.
And I thank Him.
I thank Him for the children able to play outside of a hospital for the first time in... Too long.
I thank Him for the baby girl in my Aunt's arms and the institution behind her.
Although I don't have all the answers, and the way Lacy was taken from us will never be fair... I thank Him for her life and all the love she shared... And everything she taught me.
And I thank Him for her final gift-her heart beating in my chest.
I realize Lacy will never die. She lives on in us. Time will never diminish the way she impacted our lives. Who we are is because of her. Who we are destined to become was made more complete the moment she entered our lives.
We will all go into life with stronger hearts because of her example.
And maybe one day, the echoes and little reminders of where she's been, will cease to cause our hearts to crumple, and instead bring a smile into our souls as we remember that she is within each and every one of us.
Bridget lets a single tear escape the blocakde she had set up. I see it fall right in front of my eyes and hit the ground as I stay, still with my head on her shoulder.
Slolwy she lets Liam put his two feet on the ground. Then, she reaches across herself and finds my heartbeat-her heartbeat.
I gently place my hand on top of hers. I feel Lacy's prescene as if we were hugging her little body between us.
I promise sweet Lacy, not even death will break the bond of sisterhood. You are our little girl forever.
The heart that gives me life... is hers. It still doesn't seem real sometimes.
I promise myself I will never undervalue the treasure I hold inside me. And I will carry her with me, all the days of my life.
Because within me I hold all that she was-all that she still is. I hold every memory she's made.... Everywhere she ever wanted to go and...
Everywhere she's been.
