The number of times we'd all heard words that meant basically that same thing is beginning to get out of control.
But what makes this one worse is... I've got nothing left to give her to save her.
And if that feeling isn't bad enough,] the doctors said they couldn't explain what is going on in her little body; never in a million years would they have dreamed something like this would happen...
What "this" is they couldn't quite spit out on the phone to Mr. T. Told us they're still looking into it to make sure what they've seen is accurate... But that either way...
We needed to say our last goodbyes.
Bridget and Liam cried all the way to the hospital. Megan was visibly holding back tears and Michelle was just seething with rage and questions that no one would ever be able to answer.
My Dad didn't know what to do and ended up offering to watch the house while we went...
We flood our way into hospital and don't recognize the person at the desk. But I guess she knows who we are... She simply nods as a sign that we can all head back.
We all shove into her room. Bridget lets out a gut wrenching cry at the sight of Lacy, paler than the sheet on her bed, eyes slightly open, and more tubes going in and out of her then this very morning.
Lacy shakes a little at the sound of Bridget's scream and seems to be aware of our presence in the room.
Bridget rushes, sobbing to Lacy's side and I make my way to the other, in some sort of daze.
We each grab one of her hands.
I see a doctor come in and tap Mr. and Mrs. T on the shoulder. Mrs. T leaves sobbing and I catch a single tear escape Mr. T's eye as he painfully follows the doctor.
"Br-Bridgey?" Lacy squeaks, her voice so raspy you might mistake it for an old man's...
"Yeah? What is it Lace?" Bridget chokes out.
Lacy wheezes a little and a sob finally escapes my throat.
"Gennie? Meggie, Mich, Liam? Guys you-you have to go..."
"Why the heck would we leave you honey?" Bridget cries desperately.
"Because... be-cause something-real scary is-is go-gonna happen and-"
She pauses to take in a few big gulps of air.
"What? Lacy, what are you talking about?"
She slowly turns her head so she's facing me a little more directly.
"Gennie did I-I tell you I talked to Jesus when I almost d-died?"
I'm not even sure how to respond because the room goes eerily silent after she says that.
Michelle and Megan look beyond baffled and Bridget is just giving me a death glare, staring into my should to find whatever I knew and hadn't shared.
Lacy doesn't wait for my response and says, "We-ll... Gennie I-prayed that He would let me show His love before-I l-left earth. I pray-ayed that He would take all the c-cancer out of the other kids he-here and put it in m-me. Since I was gonna ... go anyway I... thought I'd-show my love by-taking the other kid's c-cancer pain for them... B-But I don't want you to watch me die..."
She whispers the last part with such a heartbreaking desperation that I'm convinced I'm literally going to die right there of heartbreak.
Her breathing quickens as she tries to gain back her energy after struggling to say so much.
"You... you did what...? Lacy..."
I put my hand over my mouth and my pain becomes audible again.
God did you actually...? What a act of utter selflessness but... Do you... actually grant requests like that?
No one can find words... but I can hear them thinking...
That's amazing that she would pray that but... Her request wasn't actually granted... was it? She hasn't actually freed every other child in this hospital from their cancer by... Taking it all into her own tiny body? That's just... impossible...
Not to mention the deafening silence of Michelle and Megan suddenly and unexpectedly questioning their whole stance on God.
Suddenly, Lacy starts shaking hard. She moans and cries and grasps my hand tighter than I thought her little strength would allow!p
"WHAT'S HAPPENING?" cries Megan.
Liam starts shrieking and crying and Bridget and I don't know what to do but hold her frail hands back to let her know we're here...
Michelle is two inches from pressing the call button when the tension in Lacy's body is released. Her hands slip out from mine and Bridget's and her eyes slowly close.
I thank God that the heart monitor is still going and that her chest is still rising and falling... Even if her breathing is still unsteady.
Everything is happening so fast... I can hardly think...
A long and painful hour rolls by befire Mr. and Mrs. T walk slowly back into the room with one of the doctors. Everyone stares at the threes one, as if daring them to confirm what Lacy just said.
The couple looks like they've seen a ghost, the tears on their faces are frozen now and don't seem to be able to roll.
"Is she asleep again?" the nurse, whom I know rembering talking to once or twice, asks quietly.
I nod slowly.
"Ok... We showed your parents the scans and confirmed something that has completely baffled us..."
The nurse looks around at us, obviously hating that she got assigned to telling us what's going on.
"Lacy... has someone developed twelve new forms of cancer... Which happens to be how many different kinds of cancer the other kids here are experiencing... Or... were experiencing..."
The room seems to hold its breath as the nurse fumbles for what to say.
"I- I don't know what kind of crazy medical... thing happened but... All the other kids here are cancer free..."
She turns to me, knowing that I know all the kids and says, "Even Justin."
My heart stops. I don't know whether I'm supposed to smile or cry...
Justin had DIPG... a brain tumor with a 0% survival rate... He wasn't supposed to last much longer but...
What am I supposed to thibk...?
I look down at Lacy's still form with tears in my eyes. Even as this sweet girl was dying, she had others on her mind... and was willing to hurt immensely to save them...
"Lacy she... We'd be surprised if she makes it to tomorrow morning..." the nurse whispers. "I... there are no words to describe to you how truly sorry I am. Your Lacy is an amazing girl..."
She quickly walks out of the room, seeming on the verge of tears herself.
And then the room is silent except for Lacy's labored breathing and everyone's torn hearts.
I KNOW I KNOW I ALMOST CRIED I AM SORRY!!!! *hides behind brick wall* Well it's my birthday so please don't hate me too much.;) I hope you at least discovered what a big heart little Lacy has and how much you can love no matter what life throws at you.
