More talking.
I despise.
Maybe later.
We're kissing.
Letting go.
Unfortunate goodbye.
Smackle's words were practically embedded in my brain. I tried to make sense of all of her mumbo jumbo.
It as two weeks ago, two weeks ago since I stumbled into my mothers café and interrupted my best friends date with her boyfriend. It's been two weeks since I said a word to either Maya or Lucas. The only people that I talked to in my circle of friends were Smackle and Farkle, the power duo who were more than happy to give me advice in anything that I needed.
My father often gave us all disapproving glances and stares. No one would tell him what was going on but I knew no matter how much space he gave me he was dying to know what was going on. My father was always a sucker for drama. It would probably give him something to talk about with Shawn.
It was a usual Friday night for me. I laid in my bed in nothing but my undergarments staring up at the celling. Smackle and Farkle were on some type of date and Zay was more Lucas's friend than mines. I know that I could make new friends but I didn't want to involve anyone else in my life's problems.
"We need to talk." A voice shouted from outside of my window. I looked over at the face and motioned for him to come in. He sat at the edge of my bed with back faced towards me.
"I would imagine that you are waiting for me to put some clothes on." I remarked. He nodded slightly as I got up and went over to my dresser. "I mean its not like this is the first time that you have seen someone almost naked."
"What are you implying?" Lucas's shock in his voice became painfully noticeable. I it the bottom of my lip hard before turning around to meet his stone cold eyes.
"I think you know what I'm implying." I was practicing my faces. I know t sounds ridiculous but if I wanted Maya to see that I was totally fine with her and Lucas, I would need to mask my true emotions.
"I don't like what you're implying." His face went cold. His eyes turned a color that I didn't even know existed. I could see all of his emotions in his face. The way that his nostrils flared told me that he was pissed beyond any other emotion.
"Well from one friend to another, I hope that you are being careful." I smile painfully.
"I don't want to have this talk with you." His voice went extremely emotionless. His words came out more shaky then sturdy and he seemed more upset with me then with himself.
"Yeah, I don't want to have this talk either." I walked over to the edge of my bed and sat down next to him. He grabbed my hand and stroked my thumb. That was friendly, right?
"I hate hurting you." He admitted. It was hard too look at him but I forced myself to at least give him a glance , he deserved that.
"And I hate hurting you, that's what makes us the best of friends." I swallowed hard as I leaned closer to him.
"What are we doing to each other?" He asked.
"We're destroying each other." My heart was beating faster that it should have. I shouldn't get nervous around Lucas. He's just a friend. A friend who I cant have anything but platonic feelings for.
"I hate this." He whispered.
"Hate what?" I asked.
"I hate not being able to talk to you. I hate that I have these feelings but I cant do anything about them because I have my hands tied." Lucas squeezed my hand as my heart completely stopped.
"You only have your hands tied because you made a choice." I said.
"I had to make a choice." He sounded so defeated. We were a broken record saying the same thing over and over again. Our lives were on repeat because of the situation that we were in.
"Did you make the right choice?" I questioned. It was a question that I asked myself quiet often. Maybe Lucas was just living with the choice that he made. He made a choice and he was just okay with it because he had to be. Maybe he was trying to prevent more pain that would eventually happen.
"It doesn't matter if I made the right choice." He held on to my hand tighter as if this one of us were about to let go. I squeezed his hand back to assure him that I wouldn't ever let go.
"Yeah, I guess it doesn't matter." I shrugged and laid my head on his shoulder. "You're still holding my hand." I smiled.
"And you're still holding mines." He smiled back at me.
"We can't do this, you know." I sighed.
"I know, I have a girlfriend." He stroked my thumb and started rubbing circles around my hand.
"And I have a best friend." I brought his hand up to mines and kissed the top of it. I pulled him into a hug and buried myself into him. I knew that I would feel guilty about this later but I couldn't help myself. I was saying goodbye to an important person in my life.
"I love you, you know." I whispered into his shoulder. He tensed up as I pulled away from him. He gave me a reassuring smile before kissing me on the cheek, a kiss out of friendship of course.
I looked at him one last time before he started to get up. His hair was rough, one of the reasons why he was physically attractive to me. His smile was almost a mile wide, the same cheesy smile that I fell in love with the first day that I met him.
"Bye, Lucas." I whispered. He turned around and looked back at me.
"Goodbye, Riley." He whispered back before climbing out of my window and walking back into his own reality.
