this is
our last
chance to
make everything
right.
After the long week that we had, I let Parker sleep in. We came to the agreement that f e was to sleep in early that he would be waken up before Riley got here. He wanted to get into his fanciest clothes. Something about "She'll like me if I look older."
I made him breakfast while making sure that my dad bought enough food for an extra person. I didn't want Riley thinking that we were poor or something.
It was amusing, really. Why did I care so much about a girl who as coming over for a school project? It was Riley! My best friend for years. Why was I nervous about her coming over to my house? It wasn't like I had any other reason to be nervous, although my heartbeat stated otherwise.
My feelings were all over the place and confused. I was trying to hold on to something that wasn't there. Or maybe it was there and we just couldn't see it. They say that love is blinding but were we in love?
I didn't even know what it meant to love someone. I mean sure, I had these confusing bubbly stomach clenching feelings when I saw her walking through the halls at school but love has to be more than a feeling. Love has to be more then butterflies poking at my stomach or heartbeats that had the same speed as a train.
There is also a difference between like and love. Love was a whole other playing field. Was I ready for love? Was I ready for someone to be the only thing that I ever thought about? Not that I didn't already think about her for most of time. Gosh, it was like my feelings were all in the middle of a war.
Being in love with someone meant that they were the only thing that matters. In a time where nothing can go right, you think of them to get through it. What happens if the other person doesn't feel the same? I mean I knew that there was something between me and Riley but I didn't know what it was.
It was like I could feel it and that I was so close to finding that something in my life that I was missing but I kept screwing it up. Perhaps it was me thinking that I would never deserve someone as good as her. She was just a complete and perfect ray of sunshine and I was the dark and mysterious guy. I was once her best friends lover for goodness sake! How did I possibly screw up so bad that I dated her best friend.
Or it was possibly that I was afraid of her leaving. For a good portion of my life I was surrounded by death and people dying. I would worry that leaving my parents for school would be the last time seeing them together alive. It was a curse on my humanity. It force me to grow up way faster than I should have. I never got to be a kid. These stupid mistakes that I made were the child in me trying to escape. The child in me that never got to run wild and go free because was forced to suck it up and deal with it. I always remembered what my mothers doctor would tell me when I cried before she was going into an operation,"People have it worse, someone always has it worse." Yeah, someone always has it worse but I wasn't really sure what to think anymore.
I felt a tug at the bottom of my shirt. I looked down and saw Parker holding his brown stuffed bear. I smiled and crouched down to his height.
He put his hand up against his face like when someone is trying to tell you a secret about someone when they are sitting right across from you. "Is she here yet?" He whispered. Parker looked around the house expecting to find Riley sitting down on our couch or sitting by the kitchen table doing our assignment.
I laughed and patted Parker on the back. "No buddy, she's not here yet."
His hand dropped from his face. "Sweet mama, I gotta get ready!" He shouted. He was mumbling little remarks about his self appearance all the way don the hall.
I turned around and tried to fixate my attention on making his breakfast when I turned around and saw his head pop out from the side of the door.
I turned back around and acted like I didn't see him. "Go get changed little man."
"How did you see me!" Parker exclaimed. I chuckled and shook my head.
Parker shouted at me. "Ya gonna help me or what?"
I dropped the utensils and turned off the stove. I plated all of the food and ran to Parker's room.
"This outfit, or this one." He held up two outfits. One of the outfits was a button up shirt and black pants and the other was a full on leather set.
"Mmmmm, go with the button up shirt and the black pants. It's the new fashion." I concluded. Parker pushed me out of the room and got changed.
He came out of his room about five minutes later. He grabbed a towel from one of our drawers and stuffed it down his shirt to protect him from spilling food on himself and having to change again.
We ate in silence. There was a occasional mumble that came out of Parker. He was more prepared for Riley coming over then I was. I mean for a little kid it was really cute.
After we finished eating I washed all of the dishes. Parker was watching television in the living room when a knock pierced through the house.
"She's here!" Parker yelled. He ran to the door and patted his hands against his shirt smoothing it our.
"You're ridiculous." I sang teasing him ad his little crush on Riley.
Parker rolled his eyes before opening the door inviting Riley in.
