nineteen//lucas

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my hope

for us

has officially

been shattered.

Mondays are always tough. The agonizing pain of waking up once again to go through hell week. A week of learning and sitting in a class full of people was painful but each week I managed to get through it.

I went to History early. It was the first time in weeks that I was actually willing to really listen to what he was saying and take it to the heart.

Showing up to class early also meant that I could see what our assignments were for the day.

I walked in not even looking around the classroom. I was about to start on our assignment when I heard a familiar laugh fill my ears.

Turning around was probably the biggest mistake that I could make. I turned around to find Riley holding hands and laughing with Dave, a boy that Farkle sweared to have only been a friend to her.

She turned and locked eyes with me. She smiled briefly before a piece of hair fell i front of her face. Dave brushed her hair behind her ear with one hand and cupped her cheek with another. I heard Mr. Matthews scowl as they broke up their interaction.

A voice from behind me snapped me out of my thoughts. "I swear I didn't know." I turned around as Farkle pulled a chair up to my desk. "I swear, I was honestly rooting for you two."

I twirled my pen around and chuckled. Of course he didn't know about him. I mean it wasn't like he knew that she was in a relationship with someone. He was her best friend- wouldn't he be the first to know?

"Yeah, me too."

***

After class I walked up to Riley's desk. Dave reached for her hand but she quickly shrugged him off saying that we had an assignment. She stood up and kissed him on the cheek. He smiled and left the room along with Mr. Matthews who was apparently on the same page as Farkle.

"Dave?" I forced a chuckle trying to be friendly and tried my hardest to not loose myself and loose her again.

Riley gathered her books and shoved them into her bag. "Yeah, we went on our first date on Saturday."

I bit down on my lip and took a deep breath. It was hard not to loose my temper. It was something that I tried to control and something that I struggled with for years. 

I nodded. "Last long."

Riley gathered the rest of her belongings and shoved them into her bag. "I was actually wondering if you could bring Auggie over this weekend for Parker. He really enjoyed his company this weekend and asked all day yesterday if he could have Auggie over."

"What did you're parents say?" She took a couple steps closing the gap in between us.

I knew I was crazy. The way that my heart was beating out of my chest for someone who didn't even like me back sent a bullet through my heart. I wanted nothing more then for her to close the gap even more,

The gap between us represented everything that I could have. Her touch. Her embrace. Her compassion. And most importantly, her love.

I smiled and crossed my hands. "They're completely fine with it. You can just drop him off if you're busy or have other plans."

"Yeah, that'd be great."

***

Parker dragged me down the street to the toy store. After telling him that Auggie would be over this weekend, he was eager to make sure that he had the best toys in town.

Mrs. Lucky was ecstatic to see Parker so happy. She brought us into the back room where she kept her leftover toys. Parker was overjoyed by the amount of toys that Mrs. Lucky kept for him.

It was Parker's birthday next week and I guess she had saved a few toys for him. I saw some that were in the back but when i went over to show him the toys when Mrs. Lucky covered the toys up. "It's his birthday present."

I smiled and nodded. "Thank you, thank you so much."

Parker picked out a few toys and hugged Mrs. Lucky as hard as he could. She patted me on the back and leaded me to her kitchen which was in the back of the toy store.

"I made this for you. 350 degrees for thirty minutes... give or take a few." She handed me two pans of lasagna and then handed Parker a big box of cookies.

I shook my head and tried to give her the food back but it was impossible. "I want you to have these." She said, "Tell your mother that I will take care of you while she was in the hospital. I know that you are taking great care of your brother but we will also be here for you, me and my husband."

"Thank you, Mrs. Lucky, thank you so much." I hugged her and Parker grabbed the rest of his toys. We walked out and went home where I found Riley and Auggie waiting for us.

I noticed that Auggie had a sleeping bag with him. Dave was in a car parked on my street. I huffed and walked up to them. "Hey little man." I used the one hand that I had left and I fist bumped him. "Go on, go play."

Auggie and Parker ran inside as Parker showed Auggie his new toys.

"I can watch him." I spoke up. I could tell that she was nervous. The way that she kept playing with her thumbs or constantly played with the one piece of hair that continued to fall from her face.

She snapped out of her thoughts. "Excuse me?"

I looked in my house and shut the door. "I saw his bag, and Dave in the car. I get it, I can watch him. I've been watching Parker all my life, nothing new."

She smiled and reached up to my arm. "Thank you."

There was a car horn that honked and she hurried down the sidewalk to meet up with Dave.

I shrugged and walked back inside. Parker met me at the door asking if Riley had already left.

"Yeah, she's right outside." I left out the part where she was outside with her boyfriend, but he didn't need to know that.

He shoved past me and ran out the door.

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