Didn't know.
I'm sorry.
Forgive me.
I understand.
I'll help.
I promise.
I was walking down the driveway when I heard the pitter-patter of a child's steps running behind me. I turned around to see Parker almost out of breath. He spun a little before remaining in place. His little curls were bouncing up and down as the grin on his face grew even wider.
"Don't. Go." He took a breath in between each word. He seemed wiped out from running down he hallway.
I turned around and waved at Dave. I heard a ping go off in my pocket and it turned out to be Dave wondering how long I was going to be. I texted him back and said that I had to stay with Auggie.
He drove away in a matter of second not even bothering to ask why. I knew that it as just a little thing but I imagined that he would a least care. I guess that I was wrong.
I bent down and got on my knees. I tucked his curls behind his hear and smiled at him. "What do you mean?"
"I don't want you to leave." Parker walked over to the grass as I followed him.
"That can't be a reason why I stay." I answered back. "Give me one good reason to stay."
I got up when Parker pulled me back down. "What about Lucas?"
I bit down hard on my lip and took a deep breath. "What about him?
"You know, I'm only this many." Parker held up six fingers and waved them around in my face. "Even though I'm only six, I know a lot of things."
"And what types of things do you know?"
"I know that you make Lucas really, really happy." Parker said as if it was no big deal.
Even though I was with Dave, those few words made my heart sing. As wrong as it was, it couldn't feel more right.
"Ever since mommy got sick Lucas was really sad. I snuck into his room one day and he was crying. He told me that everything would be okay and that mommy was better. But then she got sick again and I haven't seen mommy or daddy since. Lucas takes care of me. Lucas always takes care of me." Parker continued.
I hesitated before asking him more questions. For a six year old he seemed very mature and observant. Maybe he was mature and observant because he had to be. He had to be mature because that's all that he knew.
"How is mommy sick?" I decided to ask.
"Mommy had cancer- at least that's what Lukey told me."
"Lukey?" I tried to steer the subject away from his mom. I didn't want him to talk about anything that he would end up feeling sad about.
"Yeah, Lukey. He hates when I call him that but I call him that anyways. I bet that he would like it if you called him that." Parker looked to the side and peaked a glance a me before smiling again.
"Parker!" I screeched. "He would not want me to!"
He nodded before shaking his head. "Do you know Maya?"
"I do, were friends."
"That's not what Lucas said." He remarked.
I ignored his comment and decided to brush it off. "We weren't friends for a little while, but were friends now."
"So you do know that Lucas never liked Maya, right?" For a six year old he was pretty sharp.
"You are six, right?" I turned and beamed at him. "You know a lot for a six year old."
"Well, Lucas talks and I listen. It simple, really." Parker got up and walked into his house. It was sudden but i guess his mind got off track or he was just done with telling me things that he was probably told not to tell. I watched him get up and walk to his door and left the door open for me.
I got up and resisted the urge to follow. I had a boyfriend, I shouldn't be concerned for someone who hurt me so bad in the past.
But that was the thing, he hurt me in the past. Yeah, his remarks and actions still stung up until today but there was this underlying feeling that in some way I did the same thing back.
I would never know how he felt unless I walked into that door. I also knew that walking into that door would be stepping into something that I knew couldn't happen.
There was Dave, sweet and friendly Dave. The boy who never betrayed me or touched the lips of my best friend.
Everything that my mind was arguing were just excuses. They were excuses that I was making to make whatever I ended up doing okay. The truth is that either way I would end up hurting someone. In one way or another I would be stabbing someone in the back.
It was just a matter of who I was stabbing and what knife I was using to do it.
With Dave there would be no emotional attachment. There would be no super serious attachment. Gosh, that's such a horrible thing to say about my boyfriend.
To think that I wouldn't miss my first actual boyfriend was crazy. I should be head over heels in love wit Dave yet the more I tried, the less attached I felt to him.
Then there's Lucas who made my heart practically made my heart want to explode. I wanted to walk in that door and grab him by the face and wrap my legs around his waist and cling on to him for as long as I could.
Yet that couldn't be the case. I couldn't wrap my legs around him or kiss him until my lungs forced me to breath. I had to do those things with my boyfriend. I had to do them with someone who was good for me.
Dave was someone who was good for me. I just had to let go for Lucas. I need to bury my feelings so far down that I no longer felt it.
I broke out of my thoughts and reached in my pocket for my phone. I lingered on the sidewalk until my ride showed up.
"Howdy." My blonde friend beamed at me as she reached over and pushed the door open. I dropped my bag into her car and got in her car.
"Where's the little one?" She asked referring to Auggie.
I pointed at Lucas's house as I saw her try to repress her smile.
"Boy troubles?" Maya giggled.
"Beyond anything that you can imagine."
