sometimes I
wonder what
life would
be like
without you
At lunch I walked into Mr. Matthews room. I slammed my books down on his desk. He looked up at me and laughed.
"I see your returning the favor of me slamming my book on your desk when you aren't paying attention." Mr. Matthews marked the book he was reading and set it down on his desk giving me his full attention.
"It was very smart of you to tell Riley that something was wrong with me but not telling her what it was." I laughed. I sat down in the seat in front of him.
He nodded. "I can see how miserable she is without you. I never understood why you hurt her like you did but the second you told me what was wrong I finally understood why you did what you did."
"Do you? Do you really understand why I did what I did?" I questioned.
"Yeah, I know that you don't want her to be a part of your life when you are somewhere else. I know that you think that she deserves better but you are what makes her happy. You need someone there for you, Lucas. You need someone to go through this with." He answered.
I shook my head at him. "But you're forgetting one thing, she turned me down. She doesn't want to be with me."
Mr. Matthews got up out of his chair and got down next to me. "That's because just like you, she's scared."
"Scared of what?" I asked.
"I'm scared of loosing you, Lucas." A voice said. Mr. Matthews smiled and stepped out of the room. He patted Riley on the back as she traded places with him after shutting the door behind her.
She continued what she was saying when her father was in the room. "I am so terrified of you going off again and going with someone else. That's why I told you no. I can't get so close to you and watch you leave."
"Then why'd you kiss me out in the hallway?" I grilled. It made no sense to me why she would kiss my neck out in the hallway.
She sighed. "I guess my feelings got the best of me. I don't know. I'm just so afraid you know,after all that's happened. I find myself questioning you. I get why you chose Maya but I don't get how you can just go from me to her in a mater of seconds."
"I get it. It's fine." I got up and reached for my bag. It was hard to walk away form this. It was even harder for me to walk away from her.
"What were you and my dad talking about just now? Something about you needing someone to have while you go through something." She was trying to stop me from leaving. Changing the subject was something that my parents would do when they were trying that my mother was sick, again.
"Nothing. We were talking about nothing." I tried leaving but she raced over and stopped me.
"Whatever it is, my father wouldn't trick me into seeing you if it was nothing." That's what she didn't understand. I didn't want her in this mes.
"He has his reasons. He is trying to do his job, he's trying to be your father. He told me that your miserable without me which is unbelievable to me since you've never looked happier."
I took my hand off of the doorknob and I faced her completely. "But that's where you're wrong. I know that you are building wall because I've being doing the same thing to myself."
For what felt like the thousandth time today I shook my head. "This thing is bigger then you, its bigger then the both of us. I just can't."
She shook her head and reached for her bag. "Okay, fine don't tell me."
"Wait." I reached for the door. "Parker really likes you, I mean he really really likes you."
She laughed. "He's a cutie."
I laughed with her. "Yeah, he is. I was just wondering if you wanted to come over like you were going to this weekend. I went into the art room during recess and saw that we were partnered up for assignment. I was thinking that maybe we could get started on the project."
"Yeah of course I'll come. It'll be nice to actually maybe work together for once." Riley said
The bell rang and I let go of the doorknob. Riley and I's classes were in the same general area so I walked her to her class before going over to mines.
"One more thing, Lucas. I get it if you don't want to talk to me but just know that will always be there for you. No matter what happens between us I will always be there for you. Even if were not dating or if were in some weird way were not speaking I will always have time for you." She said before disappearing into the crowd of people in her class.
I smiled and turned around to get to my class. Farkle came up behind me and stopped me from going into my class.
"Whatever you do, don't hurt her." He said.
"What?" I questioned.
"I saw you guys just now. She's been trying so hard to move on but I know that she is in pain without you. So please, don't hurt her." He pleased.
I nodded. "I know. To be honest I'm terrified."
Farkle chuckled. "Love is terrifying. I feel that feeling every time I look at Smackle. That rush that you feel is all of the payment from all those horrifying feelings."
"Thanks, Farkle." I walked away into my class. My phone beeped so I pulled it out before I would have to turn it in for my next class.
"Won't be home for another week. Mom's getting worse. Left more money on the counter and bought more groceries. Please take care of Parks for us. Love you, dad."
I sighed and put my phone in the basket for my teacher and took my seat
