Stay Alive (Sans X Depressed Reader)

Chapter Eight

~ Y O U ~

I sighed.

You know he'll know the whole truth at some point right...

Yeah I know...

I just wish I couldn't remember.
I wish that...
I could take out that part in my brain...
So I would never remember that ever again...

But he doesn't have to know.
We can Always lie.

But we both know we hate lying.

Then let's be a little different for a change. Frisk doesn't even know. All we told her was our backstory, so why not keep it silent.

Fine...

"Hey Y/N! How's it going?"

"Great!" I said smiling.

Lie Number One...

Shut up...

"Do you want to go to the Waterfalls today? I even got Sans to agree to go. "

"Well doesn't he have a work stand there?"

"Welll yeah but no one really buys to use a telescope. Especially if there is two of them. " I smiled again.

"Okay lets go."
They nodded and tried linked arms with mine. But I ended up giving them a piggy back ride. I sighed, trying not to show that I was struggling with them on my back. I've been running, not walking. Sweat dipped off my face as my legs were staring to shake.

But I pushed threw it.
I huffed and puffed my cheeks and furrowed my brows as I kept running.
I was Determined to get to Sans telescope place.

After that thing that happened today I didn't look him in the eyes. I mean he literally knows my biggest insecurity. How else will I react? Especially since he went through my stuff.

I felt sweat drip down my shirt which made me scrunch my face.
When we finally got there they jumped off gently as I put a hand on my hip and the other on my forehead.
I paced around a bit as I cooled down. I heard Sans chuckle. Something smelled... weird...

I started to sniff around as I scrunched up my nose.
It smelled like smoke...

"Sans... What the hell is that smell?!" I looked at him in his his eyes.

He pulled out something that was in his pocket.

A pack of Cigarettes...

My eyes widened.

*Flashback*

"Why can't you stop smoking?!" He chuckled lowly.

"Because then I wouldn't be able to do this." He took the hot cigarette to my skin. I yelp slightly at the contact.

He smiled as he looked at the round spot now on my skin.
I furrowed my brows.

"What? It's fun to here you yelp in pain~" He laughed as I grabbed the pack of cigarettes in his pockets and ran.

"HEY WHAT THE FUCK!"

I ran outside and crushed the cigarette pack under my foot. I stomped on it over and over.
He grabbed me tightly by my arms, and dragged me back into the house. He slammed the door shut and slapped me across the face.

"YOU BITCH!" He then backhanded my face.

"DON'T DO THAT AGAIN!" He Kicked my legs as tears came out of my eyes.

*End of Flashback*

I snatched the packet out of his hands. As I found my self getting pissed off. Not at him, but because of HIM.

I put the packet in my pockets.

S: "What was that for???" I could tell he was mad.

"It may not effect you, but our lungs actually need to breath Y'Know." I put my hand in my pocket and walked the other way.
I heard Sans talking to Frisk, as I picked up my pace. When I couldn't hear his voice anymore I started to run.

I stopped when I came to beautiful WaterFalls...
I cried, letting the screams of pain come out of my mouth.

"Out of all the people... Why me...
Why anyone..."

Why...

Why is my main question.

Why did my Mom have to die in the hands of his...

Why did I let him do this to me...

Why am I so broken...

Why...

Why am I alive...

...

I fell to my knees as I grabbed my hair. I choked down an Insane laugh that was building up in my throat.

He made me this way, didn't he?

He made me insane, right?

Or was it my choice...

Why do I always blame myself...

...

My tears stopped as I stood up.
I put my hands back into my pockets and walked around like nothing just happened.
Like I didn't just have an emotional breakdown.
Like I wasn't just going insane.

Like I wasn't crying...

But no one notices...
No one cares...

Let's say:
I can die right now. And no one will cry.
No one will be sleepless at night, hoping I was still alive.

"Nobody will care... Nobody will notice... "

I started to plan out my suicidal ways.

I could finally see her again, right?

No...I'm going to hell...

I don't deserve to go to Heaven... Do I...

I just don't want to suffer...

...

I'm stupid, huh... I can never stop suffering...

This is stupid.
Everything is stupid...

S: "Hey kiddo. What was that back there..." I turned around and rubbed the back of my neck.

"What do you mean." He gave me a 'really' look.

S: "You walked away after snatching my cigarettes. If you wanted some you could've asked." I started to laugh.

"Me? Haha! Smoking? Oh your so funny!" I put my hands on my stomach for exaggeration. He sensed my sarcasm and sighed.

S: "I never know with you. You're so unpredictable, and kinda... Weird..." I looked down as I smiled again.

"Okay... Imagine this... The person you cared about the most got taken away from you, for life. Your only friend, and family member, died. You're whole world turns to shit, even though it was shitty before.
Everything crumbles around you.
You literally watch someone go insane.
You let them hurt you for there own pleasure.
You let them break you down.
You finally get a chance to maybe escape, and change everything, only to realize that the memories will never go away...
They following you everywhere, and ever little flashback make you go even more insane.
You want to escape it...
But you can't...
Whatever you do, where ever you go...
It follows.
And you can't get out of this insanity...
Because you are the insanity now..."

«»«»«»«»~~~~«»«»«»«»

"Depression is like a war...
Either you Win...
Or you Die trying..."

(Sorry if this chapter sucks...)