Breaths come out as heavy gasps as I try to comprehend the fact that my "that could have been" is with this really cute, skinny girl, who is wearing cut-off shorts in his latest Facebook post.
Here are a few things I learned after watching that picture:
Number 1: He is not coming back
Flashback, two years ago, I was almost on the way of becoming that skinny girl. Don't believe me? Ask my gym instructor. But then I came to realize that my priorities were not what I made them to be. And yes, that made me realize that if I am not going to pursue my medical career, I think pursuing a crush in the pre-medical test class is useless. Then I delved deeper into my religion and even though I was pretty certain boyfriends and girlfriends were wrong in my culture, realizing it was forbidden to a point in Islam, just made me realize that pursuing him was a big no-no WITH GOOD REASON. Which I wanna delve further into. But not now. So, basically...
And hence, he has pretty much no idea that my existence after starting to wear the headscarf, I did. Let's face the fact, no guy is interested in you, until you give them something to be interested in or show at the very least a tiniest bit of interest in him. But there was this part of me, the part that is addicted to Wattpad romance novels and cheesy chick-lits that was really hoping that he was missing me and maybe wondering what happened to the cool girl with all the answers and who discussed Dan Brown with Physics professor.
Let's face the facts. He is not coming back and this is not fiction. Sad, I know. Coming from a cliche romance writer.
Number 2: I will not ever be that girl
As far as I can see, or let's just say if left entirely to me in my present sense of consciousness, I cannot ever be that girl in jean shorts. Because, I am a Hijabi.
Now, that might seem like I am saying I cannot dress in shorts because it will go against my dress code of being a Muslimah, and that is true, partly. Other than that, it goes against my ideals and the set principles. My principle is to dress modestly and guard my chastity, so hey girlie, I can't break that principle.
And plus, I am somewhere entirely else. I am in an Arts college, which mind you is considered derogatory compared to a Medical college, (I know I have mentioned this like a million times but I will continue to mention it till my rants change the people or well, till I die trying) now I might be doing some great work right there, but heck if people realize that.
It is like saying she is a housewife she doesn't work, while she might be doing double the work. Same way a famous phrase is she is an Arts student she doesn't study, well I have no time to explain how I do study to you mere mortals. I am great. And as my major is Psychology, let me just tell you this.
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What up t-shirt reference?!
What up Superwoman reference? :P
Number 3: Life is going to be a 'you gotta prove yourself' game
As much as I wish it would, the mentality of people is not going to change in mere days and they won't suddenly start respecting my career choice, nope, no siree. The thing is I'll still have to be the best I can be to prove that I chose to be something I was going to be great at. And I am at my optima maxima.
Number 4: They still might not be satisfied
And you might be at the top position doing your best, and I might get a Nobel prize because of my work in Psychology or be in UN, what they will say to me is "You would've been even better as a doctor."
Let me tell you, I wouldn't have, because, I would have hated it!
You don't believe me?
I ranked first in my college, and scored the highest in three out of five subjects. Some people from my medical class said, "You could've been such a nice doctor then."
Yeah if doctors analyze Shakespeare now.
I love my subjects and hence, I score better. Simple as that.
A concept that they are unaware of.
So... there you go.
Who else gets philosophical seeing their ex-crush?
P.S.: I still have finals going on. But I HAD TO WRITE IT DOWN!
