No Love Needed [BOYxBOY]

Chapter 21: Leaving Childish Things

I rolled over off of a guy who I picked up at the bar last night as per usual and stared up to the beige colored ceiling towering above. It had honestly been a long time since I've actually just done this since my encounters with Andre. I looked over at the guy who looked pretty please - which I did expect - and he gave me a smile. He was dark skinned and a little slender, with a pretty fine face with little traces of facial hair. What made him my picking last night though was his round and plump ass, which seemed a little too big for his frame, but I didn't complain. I was already prepared for the typical after-sex banter since I was surely no stranger to the one-night game.

"Damn, you were amazing. Makes me want round two right now." The guy says flirtatiously. Though I didn't mind possibly going another round, I just wasn't feeling him.

"I know I was amazing." I utter with fake enthusiasm. This clearly makes the guy a little upset as he groans and mumbles before shouting "Get the fuck out!"

"Was already planning to." I simply say, already sitting at the edge of his bed with my wrinkled shirt in hand. I was numb to the emotions of the guys I picked up and just found it comical I could get them so roused up. The guy is just staring daggers at me as I roll my shirt over my head before standing to my feet. It's not like I had even said anything that wrong this time and the guy was already to upset. I've said worse to some and they barely even get this heated.

I slip into my joggers and pull my socks on, not paying too much attention as the guy is getting dressed now, presumably, to be ready to walk me to the door when I'm done. Once I had my shoes on, I threw my bag over my shoulder and rolled my eyes at the guy who stood before me in just some sweats. Quickly, I made my way out the door, not even making any snarky remarks before I left. To some degree, I had definitely grown without knowing.

It has been two weeks since me and Andre have had that talk, basically becoming acquaintances again. Most of that came from me ignoring most of his calls when he would try and hit me up, but the remainder came from the minimal times communication was actually attempted. I didn't ignore all his calls or texts, but it proved a little awkward for me when I tried to converse with him. It was a mixture of both my past mindset of being particularly numb to the feelings and emotions of past conquests, but also the fact that Andre made me an emotional wreck. I couldn't remember the last time someone nearly made me feel depressed from their absence in my life - and that - made me a little hesitant to even keep Andre's number saved. I even shed tears trying to figure out these emotions I had that I so regularly ignored and placed in the deepest part of my brain.

Alcohol and sex had become my crutch yet again over these past two weeks. I found myself spending more money on liquor and beer than I typically would and then I was picking up more guys than before. I even downloaded at least two gay apps to my phone - which I never used to do - to increase my menu of guys. With the apps, it was people to tease and flirt with when I was bored and had nothing to do. Honestly, it helped and almost got me back to my typical spunk. But not entirely.

My blunt mouth was still there, but it's like it died down. I wasn't so quick to say everything that immediately came to my mind. Even to some degree, I wasn't being overtly arrogant all the time. I am still no saint, but I feel like I begin to think about how I start to make some of these guys feel only because I know it can be a bitch. It makes me upset with myself at times being so considerate, but then I just shrug it off. I guess it really goes to show I started maturing more.

I wiped at my forehead as beads of sweat formed from the dry summer heat. It was definitely a hellish Detroit summer day. I walk to my car and first toss my bag unto the passenger seat before getting comfortable in the driver's seat. My phone started to buzz and I looked to see Brooke's picture flash on my screen.