Let's be honest. There isn't anything nearly romantic about being a single parent. Especially being a single mom. The stereotypes along with it are as shameful as the way I feel when I get odd looks in the grocery store. A lot of the time they seem to be from older woman, not able to grasp the idea that a societal norm is my current situation. For them it's taboo for a woman to be raising a child by herself. On the contrary, I do get a lot of looks of apathy or pity, that only seem to bother me more.
The stereotypes are brutally endless. I remember once being in the grocery store with Eliana when she was only a year old. She had been cranky all day from not getting a proper nap, but my refrigerator was scarce and in need of this, so I couldn't exactly say no to shopping. Sitting in the metal grocery cart on one of her soft blankets, she began to throw a tantrum. I eventually picked her up out of the cart and started to rock her against my chest thinking it would work. Down the isle a woman with her daughter was staring in disgust.
"That's why you don't have children so young," she said to her daughter.
I politely smiled at them though my heart was shattering into a million pieces. They walked by quickly and avoiding eye contact with me. Eliana eventually settled down in my arms but that woman's words hung over my head, taunting me for as long as I can remember. Even now when it all gets too much I hear her mockery in my head because after all I was ill prepared to be a mom.
I've heard just about everything from, "it must be so hard" to "Eliana will need a father," to "children of single parents can't be provided a nurturing home." It's a bunch of bullshit if you ask me. And yeah, maybe Eliana will be missing out on having a dad but I'm doing my best to take on both roles, not just one.
But I wouldn't trade this for the world. Sure, through the late night tears and lots of built up frustration, failure feels inevitable. Through arguments with my parents and trying to figure out how to make rent or pay the bills, I lose a bit of my self. But there's nothing that can replace the heartwarming giggles that erupt from my baby girl's belly. The way her nose scrunches up when she doesn't like something I'm feeding her. The way her blue eyes glow when she experiences something new.
Seeing her develop in a world that's constantly developing around her is the magic of being a parent. And nothing, not even a few bad days can change that.
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"When I see ducks?"
"We come to the petting zoo and Eliana wants to see ducks. I cannot believe this," Peter scoffed jokingly, holding the two and a half year old in his arms. He kisses her cheek and pats her belly. "I'll try and find you ducks, darling."
"Ducks!" Eliana clapped her hands excitedly, giggling to show her small teeth.
The baby blue dress she wears fits her a little snug and the shoes we got last week are on her feet. Her cheeks are tinted red from the sun, but I made sure we put on a little extra sunblock today.
