Aurora | H.S.

4. missing pieces

With each passing day my anxiety seems to get worse. It's only been two days but all I can think about is the green-eyed man. After agreeing to go on a date with Harry I found myself showing him around the shop, introducing him to some of the basics of botany which he surprisingly seemed interested in. Although a few times I caught him staring at me rather than the plant I was showing and unfortunately my blushing isn't subtle. Feeling his way with someone isn't necessarily new, but it's like I'm starting over again.

What many people seem to miss, even my parents, is all the mending I had to do. Whether it was to my life that was falling to shambles or my heart that seemed irreparably damaged. A little over three years doesn't fix much and nine months of that I spent trying to figure out my place while a child grew inside of me.

My fix seemed to happen slowly over a bunch of occurrences that only broke me down more. I'm absolutely sure that makes sense even though the opposite seems it would have occurred. It wasn't a specific point where I said to myself 'you're going to be okay' it was a during a bunch of times where I felt that nothing was going to be okay.

Eventually I believed it.

Times where I'd wake up four times at night to a screaming baby and look over to the empty side of my bed—a cruel reminder that I'm doing this alone. Or times where my I'd get so overwhelmed with heavy fatigue, growing despair and loneliness that seemed to creep in at any time of the day. Taking care of a child alone with no one to share laughter, tears, and progress with is truly heartbreaking.

Looking in the long mirror in the corner of my bedroom, I roll up the sleeves to my jean jacket and analyze the red sundress on me. It's far too hot to wear the jeans and shirt I planned on, but Cecilia insisted this was casual and adorable—her words, not mine. I heard her mention something about amazing cleavage but I decided to ignore it.

"Are you leaving your hair like that?" Cecilia asked, standing in the doorway with Eliana in her arms. She was having her own fun playing with Cecilia's bangs. "You always wear it up."

"It's too hot to wear it down," I grumbled, shaking out my tingling hands. Anxiety tends to do awkward things to me. For example, it's tempting me to text Harry and cancel our plans fifteen minutes before he's supposed to be here.

"Down," Cecilia sang.

I pull my hair out of my ponytail and run my fingers through it, rings getting tangled in a few knots but I manage to not rip all of my hair out. Thank god. I tuck a few strands behind my ear and look over to her. "Happy?"

"Now you look almost good enough to eat. I'd date you if you swung for my team," Cecilia snickered, always so full of jokes. I playfully roll my eyes at her and walk up to her and the baby, kissing Eliana on the forehead.

"Mumma," Eliana put her arms out for me to hold her and I gladly took her, pulling her close to me and never wanting to let her go.

"How's my pretty girl? You'll be good for Cece tonight, right?" Eliana nodded, sticking her hand into her slobbery mouth. "I'll see you in the morning, baby."

Cecilia followed us to the kitchen where I put Eliana into her highchair and put a small bowl of blueberries in front of her. She immediately went for them, snacking and humming in pure happiness.

"You need a night out," Cecilia stated watching me brush back Eliana's dark hair.

I look over at my best friend, sighing loudly and nodding. Picking a fight with her right now would put me in a horrible mood and I already feel guilty for what I'm going to be putting Harry through. It still confuses me that he's willing to take me out, knowing that I have a baby. Maybe tonight I'll get some answers.

The moment the doorbell rings I think my insides combust. Anxiety peaking, I manage to get to the door a minute or two later and pull it open. Harry stands there in black jeans and a light blue and white flannel button up. A few of the buttons are undone and the silver necklace that hangs around his neck catches my eye, but I don't stare too long.

"Hi," I said a bit breathlessly.

Harry chuckled, "hello, Diana."

My heart skips a beat as I nervously fumble with my sleeves. "We should get going," I rushed a bit. "Before Eliana starts to cry."

Harry nodded, stepping back and letting me pass him. I get a whiff of his cologne and it makes me relax instantly. To be in his arms would truly be a blessing, I think. We start down the steps to the front door of my building. The muggy air hits me like a brick wall the moment we get outside, but it's not what's worrying me the most.

"You look beautiful, by the way," Harry smiled.

My eyes flicker up and meet his briefly before I look away to hide my excessive blushing. "Thank you," I look back at him. "So, where are we headed?"

"That cookout I told you about," he stated confidently. "My friends are excited to meet you. Liam especially. He mentioned meeting your mom a few weeks ago when he went in to buy flowers for his girlfriend."

"Really? I'm sure he's great," I insisted.

Harry opens the passenger of a beautiful black BMW and I try to hide my surprise but I'm absolutely sure he catches it. He motions for me to get in and I do, buckling up just as he heads to the drivers side.

The engine starts with a soft hum and the air that flows out of the air vents is already cool.

"You don't do this much...do you? Dates...I mean," he questioned hesitantly.

I laugh lowly, "obvious, isn't it?"

"Well, I'm flattered you said yes to me."

"Would you have left if I told you no?"

"Not likely," he smirked sexily, causing my heart to nearly stop beating.

"It's hard for a single mom to get a break," I blurted out quickly. I took a deep breath and attempted to redeem myself, "and Eliana's my world, so I don't mind taking care of her... but it's...a lot."

"I understand," he stated, eyes in front as he drove with traffic with ease. 

"Not many people do," I sounded skeptical of him but I didn't mean to sound so...harsh. It's just that he seems like a well put together guy and in all honesty I doubt he understands.

Harry furrowed his brows. "You can't always expect the worst of people.... I guess when you're disappointed by the right people that tends to happen," he speaks from what feels like his own personal experience but I don't dare ask him to elaborate.

But he's right. When the perfect person proves to be everything you swore they weren't, things can get jumbled up inside of your head. All the things you knew about falling in love are laid out on a table and called to question, making you want to put together the pieces. But there are always pieces missing. Pieces you probably will never understand.

* * *
Hello! I didn't mean for a short chapter but I figured their date would be a separate one. It's starting off slow right now, but I promise it'll get ~spicy~ soon. Yes, I totally just used that. Also, I know Harry seems like a mystery but you'll just have to stick around to learn more about him!

I'll probably do another update sometime this week to make up for this short one.

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