Aurora | H.S.

24. full moon

🌸

All I wanted was to appreciate the time we had left, but selfishly, it wasn't enough. I'd do anything for us to be one again, to turn back time to he visited me in the flower shop for the first time, his emerald eyes lost in the endless sea of vines between us. I'd like to go back to the day we went to the park, Eliana in his arms as they gazed out at the ducks in the lake. The terrifying truth is that I'm not sure I'd go back to the start given the chance, even knowing what I do now.

At the same time, I'm not sure how to confront the world. I doubt I'll ever be able to say his name again, but here I am standing in the flower shop staring at a pile of magazines. Mom likes to order all the bridal ones to stay up to date on the arrangement styles and trends. As a little girl, I'd love to flip through them and plan out my own wedding in my head. 

I run my fingers over the glossy covers and find myself thinking about what I'd look like in a wedding gown. Would I want it puffy on the bottom or fitted? Lace, pearls, or silk?  Sleeves or no sleeves? I'm contemplating it all as if it matters when I heard a shaky, high pitched voice fill my ears. "Darling!"

Her white hair looks recently permed, her fuchsia colored lipstick applied to her small pout. She walks over to the register, putting her freshly manicured hand on the counter. "I'm going to visit my friend and I'd like to bring her some flowers—do you have an idea of what I should bring?"

I take a deep breath, forcing myself to smile. A few hours ago I was questioning how I'd ever face this small town again, but life still goes on, even during the worst heartbreaks. I should know, I went through nine months of pregnancy alone. "Do you know what she likes?" I ask. "Maybe some sunflowers? We just got a new shipment—"

"Were you looking at these?" she coos in a teasing sing-song voice. She pats the glossy bridal magazines and smirks. "Already planning your wedding for that curly haired man with those adorable dimples?"

My heart aches in my chest as I stare back at her, unsure of how to respond. "No, they just came in the mail today and I-I was just. . . looking."

"You know, dear," she sniggers, "I wouldn't blame you if you were looking for yourself. A man like him is a keeper."

"He is pretty amazing, isn't he?" Tears swell in my eyes, my bottom lip pouting even as I try to contain my emotions. It's a shame I can't keep him, but another woman will and I bet she'll give him everything I couldn't. She nods quickly, the twinkle in her pale blue eyes nearly pushing me over the edge. "He's actually leaving tonight," I confess, trying to force myself to smile. "He accepted a job in the city."

Mrs. Winters looks surprised, though the twinkle in her eyes is gone. I move around the counter and head towards the window display of sunflowers. We have a small bouquet of them pre-wrapped for customers on the go, but I add a few white daisies to the mix to give it a bit more dimension. "I think your friend will love these," I say, bringing them over to the counter.

"Diana," Mrs. Winter's voice falls flat and low, a frown etched onto her face as I put bouquet in brown paper wrapping. "Why don't you go with him?"

"This is my home," I respond casually, though the levels to my voice aren't hard to hear. "I didn't even go to college; I only did a few business courses at a community college to get better at bookkeeping. He needs someone on the same playing field as him. We're very different people, Mrs. Winters."

"Different people fall in love all the time, that's what makes it so special," she says to me, cooing. "What you two had was special."

"It wasn't enough." I want to tell her that I'll be okay, but I can't seem to find my voice. I ring her up unable to tell her the total. I run her card and give her a soft smile before she goes, but I know she sees right through it.