Pride {l.s.}

23- Hiding From Reality

"Lou, you need to stop smoking."

"Get off my case, Z," I yell at Zayn as I walk ahead of him. I let out a breath of smoke. I missed this feeling for a very long time.

Zayn jogs to catch up with me. "I'm serious. What happened? What made you relapse?"

I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the stress of my money running low. Maybe it's the stress of having to always occupy my girlfriend. Maybe it's because of my past resurfacing. It could be a number of things, but there is one name that echoes in my head. The smoking came once Harry and I were on our break. Maybe he had something to do with it.

"I don't know," I admit with a sigh. "It's everything. I'm stressed and wearing thin. I needed something, and this is the only way that is keeping me together."

"Does Harry know that you're smoking? I mean we're heading there right now. I don't want him to be surprised when you smell like smoke," Zayn replies. There is no joking smile on his face.

I ignore his question. "How is quitting going? It's probably not helping you that I've started..."

"It's not too bad," Zayn says with a shrug. "I crave it still sometimes. Liam and I have created a system. Whenever I'm tempted, I call him. Talking to him is a nice distraction from it."

I'm not surprised at hearing this. "That's good to hear. I'm proud of you."

"Now it's your turn to quit."

"No."

"For Harry?"

"Shut it, Zayn."

I put out my cigarette before Zayn and I head up to his apartment. It's another group dinner tonight. I left Eleanor behind because I need a night off from her. We've been hanging out a lot since the carnival, and I'm still trying to avoid talking about Harry with her.

Zayn and I walk into the apartment since the door was unlocked. Harry does that when he knows we're coming. I told him that it worries me, but he won't listen to me about it. We're immediately greeted with shouts of happiness. Hugs are exchanged. Niall laughs joyously at the arrival of his friends. Liam intercepts Zayn in a big hug, and he whispers something in Zayn's ear. I can see Zayn blush.

He isn't there when I walk in. After saying hello to Niall and Liam, I ask.

"Where's Harry?"

They shift around uncomfortably before Liam answers.

"He's in his room. He ordered a pizza."

The fact that he ordered a pizza scares me. Harry always cooks. He has been dragging me to his house for a full dinner that he homemade for about a week now. He makes sure that I'm always able to make a sandwich for lunch since we're too busy with our jobs to meet for lunch. He likes homemade things over anything. It has to be really bad in order for him to order a pizza.

"Harry?" I knock on the door quietly. There's no reply. "Hazza?"

"C'mon in, Lou," Harry says. I can barely hear his voice. It sounds like he is struggling to say it.

I'm scared to go in. I haven't seen Harry in a bad state of mind yet except for that one night with the phone call. I told him that I would be there for him if something happened, but he hasn't said anything recently. Harry has been acting completely normal since our talk of his depression at the carnival and the phone call. I don't know what to do if I see him in such a horrible state. He was supposed to be the strong one. He is the one who hugs me tight when life is too overwhelming for me.

Now it's my turn.

When I walk in, I can't see him at first. After I notice the lump under the covers, I know it's him. It's 6 in the evening. He shouldn't be sleeping. I should probably walk up to him and calmly speak to him, but he needs someone to pick him up a little bit.

I sprint a couple feet and leap onto the lump under the covers. I hear an oomph before a curly haired lad peaks his head out. His eyes are lifeless as they stare into mine. I see a small smile come onto his face when he sees me, but it's not as big as usual. I roll off of his body and lay down next to him. I offer him a smile even though it's killing me inside to see him like this.

"Hey, Haz. You okay?"

Harry nods his head. "Just not feeling too good."

"Care to elaborate?"

"I... I just can't get out of bed. I fell asleep after work, and I don't want to leave," Harry replies reluctantly.

"Why don't you want to leave the bed?" I ask politely. I listen attentively to his answer. He needs to know that someone is listening.

"The world out there isn't what I want. I don't like the world out there," Harry mutters, but I manage to catch what he is saying.

"Do you like the world better here in this bed?" I question. I'm doing my best to understand him. I almost hate how he makes sense.

"Yeah."

"Was it better when I was out of here? I can leave you here and leave you to your own little world," I suggest. I sit up and begin to climb out of bed. If he wants to be alone, it's okay for him to be alone, just not too alone.

"No. Stay."

His hand on my arm holds me down. I lay back in bed beside him.

"Do you want to stay right here for now just like this?"

Harry nods his head.

"How about this. I'll send Niall, Liam, and Zayn somewhere else to eat the pizza. I'll go make us a home cooked meal. We can eat it in here and talk," I suggest with a soft smile.

"You can't cook, Lou," Harry informs me with a smile that seems a little bit more genuine.

"I've been learning from you, Hazza. I think I'll be able to make a meal on my own."

"I'm sorry for being like this, Boo Bear," Harry says. He looks away from me in shame. "I'm probably sounding so stupid and desperate."

"It's not stupid or desperate. It's human. Either way, you have held me together more times than I can count," I tell him. "It's my turn to help you now."

A/N

People who are depressed usually don't have someone there for them like Harry has in this book. Please get help if you feel you are depressed. Reach out. People are there to listen to you. Don't be afraid to message me if you need someone to talk to :) I love all of you.

xoxo raindropkiss1