Pride {l.s.}

42- Let Me Kiss You

The Story So Far:

Harry and Louis are official, but Louis can't work up the nerve to come out to his friends when they were over at Liam and Zayn's apartment for dinner. Harry is dealing with his depression, which he finally told Louis about.

Spanish Version Available: Pride | l.s. [Traducción al español] by InLarryLove

The car ride should be tense as we drive away from Liam and Zayn's apartment, but it's not. Harry takes my hand gently once we are on the road. He gently strokes it with his thumb and hums along to the radio as I look outside at passing Orlando. I don't know why he is so calm. I failed him. I didn't come out. We're not free yet.

"It's okay, Lou. Stop overthinking it," Harry says gently, but I know that I've hurt him.

"I'm sorry, Harry. I tried. I was going to, but I can't get the words to come out. I'm... I'm so scared. Why am I so scared?" I ask myself out loud. I pull my hand away from Harry's and bring it against my body. "You must be so ashamed of me. I failed you, Hazza."

"You did not fail me. You're so strong. You've overcome so much. One step at a time, okay?" Harry offers a small smile. "I'm proud of you. You kiss me, Lou, and you don't cringe or find it wrong. That's more than enough for me."

"That's because I really enjoy kissing you, and I don't find it wrong because it's not wrong."

"Yes!" Harry approves of me excitedly with a larger smile. "You are coming to terms with this, and that's amazing. Do you know why some of us go to pride parades?" I shake my head. "Some of us go to remember that it's okay. We've all been shamed for our love, but love is love. We're convincing ourselves that we're okay. We all are just trying to come to terms with ourselves, but I'm okay if you're not ready to be out in public."

His words send me immense comfort, but I want to make sure we're on the same page. I like to kiss him. I want to carry him everywhere and show the world my amazing boyfriend, but does he?

"Do... do you like want to kiss me in public?" I ask, unsure of myself.

"Of course I want to kiss you in public," Harry answers immediately. "I want to kiss you everywhere and every day. If the only place I can be with you is my dreams, I would sleep forever."

"You're sappy."

"Like maple syrup," Harry replies with a laugh. He's a dork, and I laugh with him. "Just don't give up on coming out, Lou. It's hard. I know that it didn't go well the last time for you with your parents, but I want this for us eventually. Take your time. I think that we just shouldn't keep this hidden because it's not made to be hidden. Love doesn't deserve to be hidden."

Harry is so understanding that I immediately feel a lot better about the situation. I reach across the center of the car and take his hand that rests on his lap into my hand.

"There's something deep inside me telling me I can't give up," I reassure him.

"You and I, Lou. We can make it if we try," Harry confirms with a nod of his hand. "I know it."

Harry and I make it up to the apartment without any more talks of coming out to our friends. We instead bicker about what movie to watch tomorrow since it's too late tonight for it. I head into my room to get ready for bed. Harry and I bought some simple versatile clothing for me that mainly consisted of t-shirts and skinny jeans. Harry told me once that he liked the way my ass looked in skinny jeans, so I prefer to wear them now.

Once I slip on my pajamas, I walk over to the bathroom to wait for Harry to finish doing his nightly routine. We've grown so used to each other that I quietly open the bathroom door without knocking. I expect him to be brushing his teeth, but he's not.

Harry stands shirtless facing the mirror. I opened the door quietly enough that he can't see me yet. I see his eyes looking at himself in the mirror. Is he examining his body? He must know that he's the most beautiful creature to ever walk. I would tell him a million times that he is beautiful. I say it in my head all the time, but I don't say it out loud enough.

"You're beautiful, love," I reassure him quietly. His eyes reach mine in the mirror. I see the sadness in them. I was hoping that his depression went away now that we were together, but I know it is not that easy. Depression isn't something that is simple.

"I wish that I was smaller," Harry mumbles before reaching over to the counter to grab his t-shirt.

I shake my head and step into the bathroom. I remove his shirt from his hands and stand behind him. I press my body against his. I can see the goosebumps on his back as my breath fans out on his bare skin. I press a gentle small kiss to his shoulder blade.

"You're perfect, Harry. Don't ever doubt it," I reassure him.

He shakes his head. "No, no, no. Too wide. Too big. It's not right. I don't like it. I don't like my hips and my-"

I shake my head this time and interrupt him by placing my hands on to his hips. His two tattoos of leaves are right over the waist of his jeans. I gently glide my finger over them and leave him speechless.

"Why don't you like them?" I ask. I notice that Harry is struggling to speak with my hands on him. I like being able to make him do that.

"I have love handles. I don't like them."

"They're called love handles for a reason, and I sure love them. Every piece of you is a piece of you that I love and will always love."

"Even when I'm fat and old?"

I let out a laugh as Harry finally cracks a smile. "Even then. Just remember that Michelangelo or Da Vinci or Van Gogh would have painted you like you were a god. They would have painted every imperfection and the whole world would have loved it all the same because you, my love, are a walking piece of art."

An idea immediately pops in my head when I say this. I notice Harry's blush in the mirror. He isn't told enough that he is beautiful, and I think I need to show him.

"Follow me," I tell him after I give another chaste kiss to his shoulder blade. "Leave the t-shirt behind."

Harry follows me into his bedroom. He sits on the bed patiently as I quickly grab my sketchbook.

"What are you going?" Harry asks as I take a seat on the chair that sits next to the bed.

"We're watching Titanic tomorrow," I tell him as I open to a new page.

"Why? We've already seen it-"

"Remember when Jack draws Rose?"

Harry's eyes open wide, and his face turns red as he realizes where I'm going.

I roll my eyes. "Not that dirty. Keep the pants on, Styles. I just want to draw you. I want to show you how beautiful I find you because there's is nothing bigger and better than you, baby."

A/N

I like to bring in issues that the characters are facing and just hope to show you all that you are loved and accepted. Body positivity is so important. This chapter was hard to write because I've been losing weight myself. I check my weight multiple times every day and skip meals whenever possible. Please don't let this happen to you. Tell everyone how beautiful they are, but what is most important is to tell yourself how beautiful you are.

Message me whenever if you want to talk.

xoxo raindropkiss1