Pride {l.s.}

68- Father John

The Story So Far:

Louis is back at his childhood home with Harry to see his sisters again and confront his mother. This is the town where he was in "therapy" for his homosexuality and where people including his parents ridiculed him for his sexuality. He talked to his mother for the first time in years, and she brings up Father John, the pastor who ran his conversion therapy.

"Yeah, I remember Father John. Why do you ask?"

"D-did he ever um... rape you?"

I am left stunned and confused as Harry suddenly squeezes my hand tighter. I glance over at Harry, and I see the fear and anxiety in his eyes. I know that I just need to calm down and reply before he gets too much in his head.

"What? No, Mom. He never raped me," I quickly reply, but thoughts are already running around in my head. Did he rape someone?

My mother lets out a sigh and leans back in her chair in relief. Harry, on the other hand, is still tense.

"Lou, you can tell us the truth if something happened," Harry tries to comfort me. I know he's just worried about me and is trying to be thorough about this, but it is honestly not true.

"Babe, I promise I am not lying. There was nothing like that," I reassure him and give his hand a squeeze. He nods his head and relaxes. I turn to look at my mom. "Why do you ask, Mom? What happened?"

Mom gets up from her seat with a sigh. The wooden floors creak as she walks to a drawer in the kitchen. It's a drawer I recognize as she opens it. It's full of newspaper articles that stuck out to her. She's been collecting them since forever; she still has the article about 9/11 when it happened. She rustles some papers around and grabs one sheet. She walks back over and sits down. She lets out another sigh before she slides the article across the table to Harry and I. It's from the local newspaper, but it made headlines.

FATHER JOHN ARRESTED FOR MOLESTING 12 BOYS

"Father John was arrested a year ago after investigators questioned some boys who went to our church," Mom explains what the article continuas. "A lot of them were like you; they underwent conversion therapy, but it got too... intimate. He raped six of them."

I am left in shock. I glance down at the pictures of the six boys who were raped. Each face was young. They couldn't have been even 16 yet. They were innocent boys who got involved with a bad man. It takes me a moment before I see the last face. It's the boy's school picture from maybe sixth grade, and he looks familiar. He's wearing a striped shirt with overalls, and his hair is swept off to one side. He looks oddly familiar.

He looks like me. That boy could have been me.

"Six boys?" I ask her. My mouth feels suddenly dry.

"Yes..."

"That could have been me. One of those boys could have been. It could have been worse," I mumble to myself, but Harry and my mother can obviously hear me.

"I'm so sorry, Lou," my mother starts as she breaks down. More tears fall as she takes my hands from across the table. "One of them could have been you. You could have been worse off, and it's all my fault. I shouldn't have put you through that. I've learned what is right and what's wrong, and what I put you through was wrong. I was so wrong, Lou. Will you forgive me?"

She's done a lot of bad. She taught me to hate myself for who I loved. I learned from her that society didn't want me.

But she always taught me how to ride a bike. She drove me to school whenever she could because she knew that I didn't like the bus.

Mom was gone a lot. My parents weren't home as much as they should have been, and my sisters and I had to learn how to care for ourselves a lot. It wasn't the best childhood, but I know from looking at those six boys, it could have been worse.

"I forgive you, Mom. You've done some wrong, but I found my way. I found my way through the dark," I tell her with a small smile. I give her hand a gentle squeeze. More tears fall from her cheeks, but I know that we're okay now. My mom and I will be okay.

"I didn't want you to hate me, Louis. I know this must all be a lot for you. I mean you showed up, and there are more kids," Mom says with a laugh at the mention of Doris and Ernest.

"They're great kids," Harry jumps in. "We already took them out for ice cream. Ernest was covered in it."

She laughs wholeheartedly at that. "He reminds me of Lou in that manner."

"Yeah, he's still quite a messy eater," Harry replies while looking at me out of the corner of his eye. I take my hand away from my mother's hand, and I use it to swat Harry.

"I do my best. Your cooking is just too good to just take my time!"

Harry simply laughs and bends over to kiss my forehead. I giggle and smile at him. I hear a sigh, and I face forward to see my mom smiling at us.

"I didn't know if we messed you up forever," my mom says quietly. "I'm just really happy that you found someone to love. Someone good. Someone who loves you back."

"I definitely found it, Mom." I glance over at Harry, and I know that I found the love Mom is talking about.

"If you don't mind me asking, Mrs. Tomlinson," Harry begins after sending me a small smile,"but what changed your mind about love and your son?"

Mom gives Harry a soft smile and sips on her tea before replying. "I'm actually not Mrs. Tomlinson anymore. I did take on Dan's last name, and I am Mrs. Deakin now."

"Oh, so sorry, Mrs. Deakin. I forgot that Louis told me that," Harry immediately corrects himself.

"Oh, it's fine, sweetie. That actually leads me to my next point. Dan Deakin, my husband, is the one who helped me learn," Mom explains. "Dan grew up with a best friend who came out when they were both in high school. Dan was startled at first, but he explained to me that it didn't really matter. I began to understand what he meant. We have bigger problems than girls kissing girls and boys kissing boys. I called you on your birthday in hopes that you would stop by. I wanted to explain myself to you and try to save your ties to this family."

I'm in awe staring at my mother. She was very convinced that something was wrong with me, but a man she loves explained it; that was all she needed to understand her son. I am sad that it took so long for her to learn, but better now than never. I'm happy we had the time to save our relationship. I miss my mom.

"I'm back, Mom. I'll visit on weekends when I can. I'll come over for holidays. I'll babysit Ernest and Doris when Lottie or Fiz isn't free. I'll take Phoebe and Daisy to the mall if they need new clothes. I want to be back in the family if that's alright with you."

Tears come to my mother's eyes again. Her voice cracks slightly. "That would be perfect, Louis. I miss you, too."

A/N

So Eminence_Awards has a book called Writers Meet. I have a chapter in it (raindropkiss1) where I talk about my experience with the awards, my struggles, my inspiration, and my favorite people (you guys). It's all Pride, and I hope you all enjoy some insight to behind the scenes of this book. 

xoxo raindropkiss1