See you again

Chapter 33

I was prescribed it shortly after my parents' and brothers' incident. I heavily sighed. I didn't take the medication back then and I definitely wasn't going to now. I walked back to Aaron's room and set the paper down on the seat next to me. I pulled my knees up to my chest and stared at him. He couldn't die, I thought. There was no way. He was perfectly fine and all he needed was just a little time. Or a lot.

But as long as he would be okay, I would wait forever. Not getting any sleep really gives you a lot of time to think about things. It's kind of like those thoughts you get in your head right before you go to sleep. Deep thoughts manifest in your head because the chaos of the day is all in the past and everything presses down on you in those moments right before you fall asleep.
Whether they're good or bad thoughts, or both, they pass through your mind without permission.

It's almost as if it's life's own way of talking to you. Imagine having life talk to you for hours and hours at a time without permission. I thought about what would have happened if I had never went to the city and never tried to pry in Aaron's life. Would he even be here right now? Would he even be alive? Would I have even cared if he was alive? Of course I would.

Even if I didn't know him as well as I did now I would have cared. After losing the closest people in my life, even the news of death of someone I knew nothing of hit me hard. Just the thought of the family's of the lost ones and the opportunities lost send chills down my spine. Everyone has their story, and it's terrible that their story can end so abruptly by death. I thought about Aaron's story.

Was he satisfied with the way his life has been so far? He beat cancer and he got a girl that I hope he was satisfied with. Sure, he lost his mom and his sister, and even someone he was in love with, but he's gotten to do so much with his time. Was that it though? Was this the reason Aaron never really had a clear idea of his future? Was it because he wasn't going to have a future? I thought back to Aaron's warning before any of this ever even happened.

'Don't fall in love with me.' he said. Aaron weakly smiled back and the sight warmed my aching heart, I was glad they were on good terms again. I stood up and placed myself next to him. I didn't know if the hospital bed was softer than usual or if it was just because I had been sleeping on a chair for several hours.

"I'm probably not going to make it out of here alive," Aaron said. His voice was low and almost inaudible. But surprisingly, it wasn't sad. "My dad told me my odds aren't that great." I tried to be strong for Aaron because I knew having someone devastated over him was the last thing he wanted, but it was much easier said than done. I signed myself up for this and I was going to have to deal with everything whether I was ready or not. It was already too late to try and be strong as the tears that were stinging my eyes were more than ready to fall.

I felt his hand lightly graze mine and I grasped onto it, trying not to hold it too tightly even though I really wanted to; as if holding it tighter would somehow help keep him here longer.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so, so sorry. I-I knew I shouldn't have let you-"

"No, Aaron. You don't have to be sorry." I smiled down at him through blurry tears. The last thing he should be feeling was sorry. He was a pain in my ass sometimes, but more than that, he was there for me; even when I didn't want him to be."Oh, but I do," he said, his voice a little louder than before. He took a slow deep breath before speaking again. "It's my fault your parents are dead." My breath caught in my throat and my mind clouded with confusion.

I must've heard him wrong. He said something else. "...what?"

"I fed Melanie these thoughts that she should just get in a car accident with my mom in the car." I could feel my temperature rising by the second. I did hear right. "It was stupid. I didn't think she'd actually listen to me. I regret it every day of my life. But I hated my dad so much back then. I just wanted to prove to him that he shouldn't do something so heinous."The tears in my eyes evaporated immediately.

I wanted to be so angry at him. I was sent to the furthest depths of hell and back all because of a stupid decision he made. But I couldn't bring myself to be mad at him. He was practically lying on his death bed. And I was madly in love with him.

"You probably hate me now, but I couldn't leave you without letting you know first." He slithered his hand out of my grip and laced it with his own across his stomach. There was an empty feeling lingering in my hand as soon as he pulled away, but I had no urge to fill it. "So, that's why you said it right?" I asked, keeping a cold stare on the tiled floor."What?"

"That's why you told me not to fall for you?" I said, feeling a burning sensation in my chest.

"Not because you loved someone else or because you were dying because I'm supposed to hate you?"

"I hate to admit it, but yes. I just wanted to let that stupid cancer consume me and leave the world without a trace. But then you sat next to me in Chemistry and I decided to be stupid again and pursue you for fun like I always did with girls. Then you did the unthinkable and pried your nosy little nose into my life without warning. I tried to push you away, but you're annoyingly persistent." He let out a sigh and I thought he would continue to bash at my personality.

"But then I became that twinkle in your eye and I couldn't stop myself from falling for the person that I'd practically ruined. I fell in love with the way your eyes never stopped wandering and how eventually you learned to look at me without questioning eyes." I smiled to myself, still staring at the floor.

"I thought I could hide from your stares from across the room. I'm just like you overly observant and highly analytical. You have to know where someone looks before you know where to hide." I finally made direct eye contact with him. "You're just laying everything out on the table now that your days are numbered." He let out laugh a beautiful laugh that I'll never forget.

For someone that frowned a lot, Aaron's laugh was so much brighter than even the happiest people in the world. If there was one thing I wish I could keep forever in a jar, it would be his laugh if not the actual boy himself. "I love you." His hand founded mine again.