Adopted By 4 Idiots // 5sos

Chapter 19: The Brian Dilemma

I don't push him off.

I mean I should've. But I couldn't.

This was different. It wasn't like before. So I let him kiss me.

I stand there, not moving nor kissing him back, as he desperately tries to find the answer to what he's looking for.

Suddenly he pulls away from me.

His runs his hands through his hair, stopping half way. He sits back down on the chair to his desk.

His takes his hands out of his hair and lays his face against them.

"You okay?" I ask.

His hands shakes as he mutters; "It was suppose to work. Why didn't it work?"

I furrow my eyebrows. "What's wrong, Tyler?"

He raises his face, tears in his eyes.

"I can't be gay. I can't. I mean it's okay to be gay, but it's not okay if I'm gay. I can't be-right?" He asks, his voice cracking several times.

I frown. "Why not?"

He sniffles. "Because I grew up thinking I would date a girl, fall in love with a girl, get my heart broken by a girl, and one day marry a girl. For that to all change, it scares the shit outta me. I've seen what Josh goes through, I don't want to go through that."

"Oh."

He sniffles again before shoving his face back into his hands.

I jump from the bed and wrap my arms around him.

"I'm sorry I kissed you." Tyler whispers.

"It's ok." I whisper back as he leans into my touch.

"My life sucks."

"Join the club."

He smiles as the tears rush down his face.

"My name is blurryface and I care what you think." He whispers to myself, his eyes close. I pull my arms off of him and rest my arm against his, sitting closely.

"What?"

He shakes his head, snapping out of his daze. "Sorry, it's nothing."

"No tell me."

He sighs. "It just this character I made up. You know after the voice in my head telling me I'm not good enough or I'm a failure or I should die, stuff like that."

I nod. "Why did you name him Blurryface?"

"Because he has a form but I can never see his face. I don't know who he is or why he wants me dead. I have two faces, blurry is the one I'm not."

I nod again. "That's kinda cool."

"Blurry is a suicidal, depressed, anxious person, that's not me, that's not who I am."

"Wow."

"I'm a goner, somebody catch my breathe." He sings softly.

"I need your help to, take him out. I need your help to, take him out. Through I weak. And beaten down." He stops.

"That's all I've got."

"It's great." I say smiling at him.

"I remember I said I was gonna teach you how to song write." He says as he pulls out his notebook and a pencil.

He hands it to me and I grab it.

"Try to remember a tragic experience, and pull from there. Or a really happy experience if you want it to be upbeat." He says as I open to page one.